Growing Up Catholic

I grew up in a Roman Catholic home. To be fair my dad is or was Anglican and my mother is Roman Catholic. My dad converted from Anglicanism with a blessing from the Roman Catholic priest once my parents got married. He’s been attending the Roman Catholic church with my mother ever since.

Like most small children I simply accepted what my parents’ believed. I went to church every Sunday and enjoyed singing the hymns. We’d go out for lunch after and so I always looked forward to our Sunday morning routine. I was involved in the mass as an altar server and later as a reader. I even took on teaching Sunday School briefly around 16 years of age.

As I got older though, I started to notice the inconsistencies in what my parents believed versus how they actually lived. There seemed to be an escape clause somewhere that said, as long as you go to church every Sunday and repent your sins a couple times a year, you can do whatever you want the rest of the time. This was what seemed to be occurring as the “7 deadly sins” were commonly practiced, often within the first hour after leaving mass on Sunday morning.

It occurred to me to ask the question: Why do you believe in something you aren’t able to practice or follow through on or commit to in any real way? It seemed like a giant exercise in lip service that had no real purpose other than to say you did it. Begging God to forgive you a couple times a year was how you hoped to avoid hell later on. But nobody really talked about that.

It was in my 20th year of life when my mother more or less proved what I had suspected: she was not able to live as she believed. You see I was pregnant and unwed. She was embarrassed. She asked that I no longer attend mass with her once it became obvious that I was pregnant.

It goes without saying that I stopped attending mass. However, a few months later after losing the baby (he was stillborn), she told me I should now go back to church as I was no longer pregnant. I remember saying quite clearly at the time, “Why would I go back to a place that wouldn’t accept me while I was pregnant? If I’m not good enough pregnant, then I’m not good enough now.”

It was then that I forfeited my religion. The weekly adventures to church on Sunday morning stopped. For the longest time I did nothing. I had a belief in God that was still present, but I really didn’t have any label for what I believed. I just knew that what I had grown up with was not it.

It was many years later, in my late 30’s, that I had a little bit of a spiritual revelation or awakening. I began to be able to communicate with my spirit guides, started using tarot cards and realized that there was something out there that made sense to me in a spiritual, religious kind of way. I watched Rev. Michael Bernard Beckwith livestream his Sunday morning service at Agape and realized that what he was teaching made sense. It was inclusive. It wasn’t fear based. There was no judgement. All was well. It was a new interpretation of the Bible that I had grown up being taught to fear. This was something I could get behind.

While I have not resumed a Sunday morning routine of spiritual teachings and I don’t profess to watch Rev. Beckwith every Sunday, I have actually started to apply and live by the teachings that I have found. Moreover, I’ve found metaphysics to be a most interesting study and have endeavored to heal and work through all of the things that I was carrying around with me.

No more am I simply paying lip service to a belief system that I wasn’t really capable of living by. Now I do the best I can to “practice what I preach”. I’m not perfect nor am I expected to be. The humanness of this process is understood and always forgiven. There is no fear, no condemnation, and judgement is reserved for those human moments we all have.

There is a meme on social media that I have found that makes perfect sense to me. “Spirituality is a relationship with the Divine. Religion is crowd control.” That’s exactly how it appears. Religion taught fear and included it’s own escape clause. It didn’t seem to require us to actually live by what we professed to believe every Sunday, only that we paid lip service regularly and begged forgiveness. Spirituality asks that you heal, forgive and move forward, simply do the best you can in every moment. There is no fear or judgement, unless someone puts it there. Your human form is not meant to be perfect it is simply a work in progress.

I’m still working out how my childhood religion and my current spirituality truly fit together. To this day I have trouble using the word “God” as it brings up those memories of Sunday morning mass. The work continues for me. Maybe one day I’ll have a blog post around I how I managed to resolve it. Until then, onward. Keep moving forward and keep healing. All is well.

Lots of love.

Laura

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Time is an Illusion

Time is a human perception, not a Universal law or construct. Did you know that? Clocks are essentially human created form that we use to keep track of something that doesn’t exist. Neat right?

Babies don’t have the concept of time. Babies don’t understand clocks or day and night. They don’t care if it’s 12pm or 2am, it’s all the same to them. This is how we would all be if we weren’t taught about time and clocks from our parents. A baby also doesn’t have the memory to remember anything beyond the present. If you hide a toy under a blanket a baby will forget about it very quickly.

As we get older, even without a clock, we start to perceive a sense of time: past, present and future. As adults we have long and short term memories of things that have already happened which create a sense of past, and we have dreams about things that haven’t happened yet, creating a sense of future. This ability to remember is what creates our sense of time.

So here is where I start to sound a little like Eckhart Tolle. Everything only happens in the present, in the now. It can’t happen tomorrow, yesterday or next week. It only happens now. The memories that you have of events that have occurred in the past actually happened now. If you bring the memory with you and you attach an emotion to the memory you can relive the event as if it is happening now. This is typically where humans get themselves into trouble.

As you’ve heard many spiritual teachers say, let go of the past and stop letting it wreck your now. Your power is in where you are in this moment, not where you were 5 years ago at some random moment in time. Bringing bad memories forward is doing nothing more than wrecking your present moment. It prevents you from having the best experience you possibly can in the now because you’re too focused on a time period that no longer exists. Memories are not real. The experience you had at the time was very real, but your memory of it is an illusion, a trick of the brain to keep you safe.

Now let’s have some fun. Even though linear time is an illusion, all of these moments of past, present and future are co-existing now on different timelines that our spirits can jump between. I know what you’re thinking, I just said that memories don’t exist and that they are an illusion of the mind, and they are, in the timeline that you are currently enjoying. I didn’t say they were gone forever. They are not part of your current timeline which makes them a dream, a dream about an alternate timeline you are not part of in the present moment.

One of the limitations of having a physical body is the inability to truly time travel via timelines through the space / time continuum. We can’t go back to some previous point in time and have a do over. We are effectively anchored here in this present moment on this calendar date at this clock time. But our spirits do a lot of time travel. For more on timelines and how they affect your human form, check out my other article “Timelines: How Do They Work?“.

Time is a funny illusion with many nuances and tricks it plays on our human forms. Pay attention to how attached you are to the clock and time. How important is it? Can you rely on it less? You will feel better and less stressed if you do.

Lots of love.

Laura

Timelines: How Do They Work?

Your spirit has the power to jump timelines. It is not tied to the current space / time reality you perceive in your human form. It can go anywhere it likes and it often does.

The human form experiences this in a few ways. The most common is deja vu, the feeling of having been there, done that. The spirit version of you has experienced this event, the human form has not. You in human form are aware of the previous experience by your spirit. That’s what creates the feeling of having seen this particular event play out already. All the human form knows is current space / time reality and nothing else and so it thinks something is wrong. It’s not. Deja vu is one of those very common experiences enjoyed by folks that really have no idea what just happened because they aren’t awake yet.

As we awaken, time lapses can become a thing. Suddenly we find ourselves losing seconds, minutes or hours with no awareness of what our physical body was doing during that time. I call this a milk run for the soul. It’s the soul taking off, leaving the human form behind (not like death), and going exploring for a bit. We may or may not have conscious awareness of where our soul took off to in the moment, but that’s what happened.

Our physical forms always stay in the current linear time / space reality. It can’t jump to next Thursday. It doesn’t work like that. But your soul , because it is free from linear space / time, can jump around for short adventures and often does. Any energetic perceptions or emotions you get from these little excursions become the seeing and knowing clairvoyance many humans are gifted with.

Now where it gets interesting is that there are multiple thousand variations of your current space / time reality that you jump in and out of all day long with no awareness of doing so. Those timelines are all of the circumstances and events you find yourself surrounded by, minute by minute, throughout any given day. This changes and shifts constantly and is based on your current vibration, beliefs, feelings and whatever your higher self has decided you need to experience or help with in that moment.

Depending on how aware you are of timelines and how attached you are to the calendar and clock in linear time, you may have the perception of being either ahead of or behind current linear time. This is actually an illusion and almost seems like a little bit of a glitch in the time / space continuum.

Your physical body always stays in current linear time. It doesn’t have a choice at the moment. Believe me, if your spirit could drag your physical body into 2035 it probably would, but it can’t. So that means your physical body is stuck where it is. Any perception you have of being out of sync with current time / space reality is really just you not being grounded into your physical body. It’s your spirit and physical form being out of sync, like audio being out of sync with the movie picture. Grounding back into your body will sync things back up.

Grounding won’t keep you from jumping timelines and losing time, but it will make sure that you stay connected to the current linear time / space reality your human form currently enjoys living in.

There may very well come a day when we’ll be able to drag our human forms through time and space. That hasn’t yet happened. Until it does, enjoy the grounded feeling of being attached to the perception of linear space / time reality.

Lots of love,

Laura

Healing and Forgiveness

Life is messy, very messy. We spend our lives on this planet learning how to interact with others and remembering that we are all from the same stardust.

Our first teachers about intimate relationships are our parents. For most of us we learn versions of people pleasing and making people happy. Some of us may learn about unhealthy relationships, codependency and abuse. We learn to determine how to feel about ourselves from how others feel about us. We learn to judge and be judged. We learn to stay small to keep people comfortable. We learn to be the person our parents expect us to be.

The truth is our parents, for the most part, simply do the best they can with what they know. They aren’t intentionally trying to harm or hurt us in most cases. They are simply walking this planet with a set of wounds they unconsciously pass on to their children. It is nothing more than a lack of personal awareness that sets up these common scenarios.

Awakening brings forth the personal awareness. It sort of comes with the territory. Depending on when we awaken, we either have the ability to open our children up to the same experience of awareness or not. We either pass on our own wounds or become aware of them and end the cycle. The journey of life determines the order of operations for each of us.

Personally, I have a 16 year old who is a psychic, intuitive, empath and a 9 year old who has also found his intuitive ability. I have the opportunity to share with them what I’m learning and what I know. I also have the awareness to be able to create a very different relationship with my children from the one I have with my mother.

My mother is asleep. She is wounded, very wounded and blames the entire world for her life. She watches CNN all day, which helps make sure she stays asleep.

I had to come to grips early on, with the idea that I would not be able to save nor wake up those around me. It is their journey and their path only. It is not for me to determine the outcome of their lives.

It is for me to forgive and let go of any hurt or pain I may have accumulated through these relationships, whether in this life or others. I compare those wounds to rocks we pick up along a path. We are not meant to be rock collectors and carry heavy loads. We are meant to look at, examine and let go of everything that we come across.

Put down the rocks you are carrying. They are heavy and unnecessary. That is the challenge for all of us. We have rocks we know about from this lifetime and rocks we don’t from previous lifetimes. Find them and put them down. They are not meant to be carried. Learn the lessons and move forward without the rocks.

Love to all.

Laura

Laura Bungarz: The Clarity Coach

Finding meaning and clarity in the chaos is one of the hardest things we have to do in our human lives.

Life happens and often it feels very out of control. We ask ourselves who created this mess? How did we get here? Why is this happening to me? What did I do to deserve this?

The truth is, anything that happens in your life is for you and because of you. It doesn’t matter how good or bad it seems to be in the moment, any situation you find yourself in is designed to help you grow. So step one in the process is simply acknowledging that you’ve created the space you’re now in.

Step two is getting okay with what’s going on. I’m not talking about liking what’s happening. I’m talking about simple acceptance of what is without resistance. Resisting what is just causes you to push against it. You get no where. It’s like trying to push a brick wall out of the way. Accepting what is allows you to find answers you can’t see when looking directly at the problem.

Step three, find and acknowledge the story you’ve told yourself about what’s going on. There is always a story that the mind makes up to explain what’s happening. It’s either a blame story around how this is somebody else’s fault or it’s a story wrapped in fear of what may happen later or has already happened. Either way, there’s a story. Now, let it go. Skip the story. Congratulate your imagination for how creative it is and drop it. You can write your own fiction novel later.

Step four, start looking for what’s actually happening. Is this really about whatever is happening on the surface? Probably not. The surface stuff just is. If you can find the deeper meaning though, and work with that, the surface stuff just solves itself with very little effort. The problem is we get so caught up in the surface drama that we forget to look at what brought it on. It’s like a doctor focusing on the cuts and scrapes and not checking for broken bones, meanwhile the bone is in 2 or 3 different pieces. A band-aid and a few stitches won’t fix the bone. We have to be willing to go below the surface. That’s where the real problem is.

Step five, take the action you need to take. What comfort zone are you being pushed out of? Are you being asked to leave your job? Start a business? Move? End a relationship? What’s the thing that you’re not doing yet? This is where the clarity comes in. It’s the recognition of why you got to this place. You’re here because there is something you were avoiding and the Universe is giving you a whack over the head with it and putting you in a place where you can no longer avoid it. Don’t worry, it happens to everybody. Why do you think I’m writing this? 🙂

It’s only through getting okay with what’s happening and looking for deeper meanings by ignoring the fairy tale your brain makes up, that you can truly find the clarity you’re looking for.

If you need some help with that, I can do that too. Tell me what you’ve gotten yourself into and lets talk about what might be under that. I’ll pull some tarot cards and we’ll figure out what the Universe is really trying to tell you. Chances are, we’ll find the answer. You may not like it, but we’ll find it.