This isn't something I've shared publicly in a blog before. It's not something I talk about a lot. The only place I referred to it is in my first book, The Truth of My Awakening, where I briefly discuss what happened. I was hesitant to share the full story because I didn't want to sound like a victim. I'm not a victim. But I've decided maybe it can help some of you. Maybe you'll be able to relate to it in a way that will be helpful to you.
I tell you all of this because I want you to see the power of your dreams. I want you to see the power that you have to create things that are far beyond anything you can imagine in the moment. But the trick to all of it is trust. As convoluted as the last few years have been for me, I had to trust that eventually I would get to where I needed to go. Even though most of the work that I did had nothing to do, at least as far as I could tell, with the relationship I was trying to get back, I followed it anyway. I've continued to follow it, no matter how messed up it gets, because I know that I will get to where I want to go and it will be better than anything I could ever have hoped for. To access this post, you must purchase Monthly Blog Access.
The question can be fun like, what if I win the lottery? Or the question can be scary, what if he/she breaks up with me? The idea of what if can conjure up all kinds of stories, ideas, and feelings. We base our self-worth on what if. We make decisions based on what if. We avoid things based on what if.
Emotions are created by our thoughts. Emotions are not random. They don't show up "just because". They show up because of the thoughts we think and the script that plays in our heads. If we learn to manage our thoughts, we automatically gain control over how we feel. Contemplating emotions will actually send us down a rabbit hole of more emotion. We get swept in the tide of how we feel and it's really hard to come back from that. This is why when we're trying to heal from past events, it's really important to try to stay out of the emotion of it. We can't control a tidal wave. We have to control the thinking around it.
When I talk about letting other people off the hook, it's partially about blame, but there is also a degree of responsibility within that. We can only take responsibility for our own stuff. We can't force others to take responsibility for theirs. As and when we're willing to accept responsibility for our own stuff, we will begin to see relationships shift based on our new truth. Letting others off the hook removes the blame, but also forces us to take responsibility for ourselves and our behaviour. That's why it's so hard to do. It's easier to blame because it allows us to avoid taking responsibility. To access this post, you must purchase Monthly Blog Access.
Many of us still need permission from something or someone outside of ourselves in order to move forward. This comes from a place of not trusting or believing in our own authority to make decisions about our own lives. To view the rest of this blog, please visit Monthly Blog Access to purchase.
Once we've decided we don't like where we are, we can get to a place of villainizing, getting mad at, or getting frustrated with where we are. While that might be a good catalyst for propelling ourselves forward, we can't stay in that pain and anger too long. It becomes unhealthy after a while.
There were two things that inspired me to begin the process I've been working through for the last few years. The first was pain and heartbreak, which I've talked about in previous posts. The second was the book, "The Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle. Those two things gave me the power and the platform to begin letting go of all the pain and trauma that were stopping me from being who I was.
I've taken some risks over the years to be in business for myself. I've avoided taking a full-time job even when most of the world would probably tell me getting a job was a good idea because financial disaster was imminent or occurring. My credit rating is well, awful, there is no savings or retirement plan and we live pretty much paycheck to paycheck. We are that family that is a $300 problem away from homelessness. It sounds tragic, doesn't it? It's not.
Sometimes we make decisions about things we know we need to do, like me letting go of all of the coaching and readings I was offering to focus on writing, but we have a hard time getting behind those decisions fully. We still kind of hang on to the side of the pool. We don't dive in fully. That's me right now.