This episode of Spirituality Unpacked is about this concept of needing to fit in and be accepted. We all have it and we all do it to some degree. Today I'm talking about my personal experience with it over the last couple of days and how I had to shift a pattern I had around the formality of my work. I got asked to relax as it were.
The insecure side of me wants to ask for your opinion, but we're not going to go there. Clearly, that option is open on any blog, not just this one. But you see, that's the need to fit in, to make sure you're comfortable with what I'm putting out in the world. If you're not comfortable, then who reads this? Well, somebody else of course. But the mind likes to make up excuses about how if one person leaves, then everybody leaves and nobody will ever read another blog of mine again. Dramatic isn't it?
The thing with fitting in is it creates co-dependency. It's the need for approval from other people. We try to make ourselves fit into their definitions of what or who people should be. When we do that, we disempower ourselves. We become something we're not and we do things that go against who we are.
rules which meant I didn't really have any rules. I was a wild child but that was attributed to being creative. I didn't drink or do drugs, but being out all night, partying, hanging out with the "wrong crowd" made me bad somehow, even though I never got into any real trouble.
know you're in for a rough road ahead. Just so you understand, the marriage thing failed, I do have the kids, we rent our home, and there is a puppy. As for my teaching career, well I'm doing it, just not the way I was supposed to do it. I was supposed to teach little kids in a classroom. I'm not there in case you missed that memo.
This is the relationship we have trouble giving ourselves permission to have because it requires us to have boundaries in relationships with others, carve out space for ourselves in our own lives, and give ourselves permission to exist and take up space. We don't do these things because of a lack of confidence and self-worth or simply a lack of courage and a desire to make others happy.
There is some truth in the saying, "be careful what you wish for, you might just get it". What you get may not be what you wanted at first, but it will be what you need in order to have what you want. These aren't roadblocks. They show up because they are trying to get out of your way. The only question is whether or not you allow them to leave. You allow them to leave by not preventing the experiences from happening. Don't do anything. Don't fix it. Just let it go. When you allow it to crumble, and you don't try to put it back together again, it makes room for the change that you do want.
Cycle breaking is something many people on the spiritual path end up doing, whether they do it consciously or not. Creating new ways of being, treating others differently than you were taught to treat them, doing something different with your life than you were expected to, or stopping cycles of abuse or addiction, plus many others. All of those are cycles and patterns that we can work to end.
I could complain that it was the old cycle showing up or I can recognize the costume and see the disguise for what it is and do something differently. This is how we break cycles. This is how we allow a change to happen. If you're in a cycle and it doesn't matter what it is and you want to break it, you have to respond differently to it when it shows up. If you don't, you perpetuate the cycle. If you don't it happens again.
f avoidance is based on fear that shows up as a lack of motivation, then it's up to me and my awareness to catch myself. In the past, it's been easy to pawn it off as a bad day, or just not being interested anymore, or deciding it's not working, but generally, those things aren't true. It's just me putting up my own roadblocks and stopping myself from doing what I want. I successfully jumped the hurdle yesterday, but that may not happen every time and that's okay. As long as I can catch it the majority of the time, I can keep going until the behavior stops happening.