Every year at this time, particularly in spiritual circles, we discuss leaving behind the previous year. How do we do it? Why should we do it? What if we don't do it? What happens if I don't clear it before midnight on New Year's eve?
I’ve developed a relationship with my decks over time. I have full conversations with them often. As I get clear in my own life and make sense of the chaos I’ve experienced, I use it to help others. The foundation of my business now is to simply encourage others to keep going, to remind everyone of their own intrinsic power and access to higher knowing if they want it. I do that mostly through writing now, but private coaching is always an option for those that want a more intense experience.
I've been struggling with what to write today. I feel as though I should acknowledge the weirdness of a pandemic style Christmas, but also want to try to stay positive for those looking for a dose of happy. So how about we do both?
I love Christmas, honestly. It's one of my favorite times of the year. I have a very small family and only ever deal with my parents and brother. The holidays for me are quiet. I don't bounce from party to party or house to house. There aren't 5 different Christmas celebrations in 5 different homes. I don't have the stress of making a huge meal or having everyone over. This year in fact, because of the pandemic, I actually get to make Christmas dinner on Christmas day. That's a first in a long time, as I'm normally at my parents house for Christmas.
This happens to all of us. We have expectations of other people and they don't live up to them. Sometimes the expectations can be as simple as a family member taking out the garbage. But sometimes the stakes are a little higher and the expectations a little bigger like revealing personal secrets or keeping a date. Whatever the expectation was, it went unmet and now there are hurt feelings and a problem to solve. But what's the answer?
I want to start by saying that I tend to take a lighthearted approach to the energy. Sarcasm is one of my best friends and it gets me through the more difficult energy with what's left of my sanity intact. That's quite a feat, I might add!
Sometimes in life, we go through things that we don't understand. Either the choice we made didn't turn out quite the way we planned or we end up somewhere we didn't really expect. (Just yell, "Plot twist!" when this happens and keep going!) Sometimes after a bad relationship, we think those months or years were a waste of time. But whatever the reason, it's easy to look around after the experience and wonder what the point was.
All relationships have their quirks, issues, and problems, mine is certainly no exception. I want to use this post to share some of those challenges with you in hopes that it helps anybody that might be living with similar challenges.
I’ve mentioned before that I lost a baby many years ago. When Megan Markle shared that she had miscarried, I once again mentioned my own experience with this. I wanted to share more about it and what happened after. My son was stillborn at approximately 26 weeks gestation in 1996. I was in my second trimester, which made him a stillborn birth instead of a miscarriage. Regardless of the length of the pregnancy, losing a child is a tragic experience for any family. I remember when my water broke (This was the only time out of all 3 pregnancies that my water broke naturally.). I didn’t completely understand what was happening. It took me a bit before I went to the hospital. I think it was mostly denial that took over. I don’t think I wanted to believe that I was going to lose the baby. I know I wasn’t ready for what was about to happen. The baby was still alive when I got to the hospital and my contractions had started, although they weren’t all that painful. They wanted to try to do an emergency C-section to save the baby. They didn’t get that far. Just before they were going to wheel me in for surgery, they checked for a heartbeat and there was none. The baby had died and they called off the surgery. They ended up giving me an epidural. This was also the only time I used pain killer. I had my other two kids…
Some days are easier than others. We know this. Right now I'm trying to create new patterns and let go of old ones that sabotaged me. I'm trying to write more consistently and communicate my story and the lessons I've learned more often. I'm trying not to hide.