You think you'll drown if you let go of the life raft. But what happens if you just stand up? Can you recognize that the water is only 2 feet deep? You're not going to drown, you can touch the bottom. Just stand up. There's nothing to be afraid of. There is no leap to make. Just put your feet down because you will be supported when you do that.
You have what you need within you. The determination is there. The willpower is there. The courage is there. You just have to decide to dig it up from underneath all that pain you're sitting in right now. You just have to decide that you're done with pain and that it's time to change.
It's not very often I burst into tears, but here we are. Sometimes emotions are just there. They cannot be avoided. You can't rationalize yourself out of them. They just show up and that's totally okay. We let them be and now I get to work on understanding what all that was about.
Today the challenge is to focus on what has changed instead of what hasn't. It's easy to focus on what hasn't changed yet. That's the human way, focus on the trouble and hang out in that space. But it doesn't help a whole lot and it definitely won't get us to where we want to go. So, I want to use this blog to talk about what has changed that isn't necessarily visible to everybody.
I have to consciously dig into the why behind what I do because apparently there is still some stuff there to work out. The goal is to do it anyway, money or no money. The goal is to love what you do so much that it doesn't matter whether you get paid or not. Would I do this as a hobby, even if I never made another penny?
The transition point comes when you no longer care about solving the problems. Effectively the problems stop mattering. You're no longer in fear. You're happy in your work and you're comfortable with what you're doing. You're out of your head and you've dealt with the majority of the crazy ideas that use d to stop you.
'm on a constant mission to find truth in what's happening. Doing that means I can't defend the old story and I have to be able to look around me and notice that things have changed dramatically. I see patterns, habits, and ways of being that don't work anymore. I allow myself to understand where they came from and why they are there without defending them.
Opening up and beginning to talk about my life in blogs and podcasts was part of that journey. Some things I was hiding, but most things I just didn't see value in talking about, so I didn't say anything. I didn't bring up my own experiences even when they related to what others were talking about. I hid other things because of shame. I avoided a whole bunch more because it felt overwhelming to me. I didn't have the skills or confidence to process it.
Everything that happens is an opportunity to learn something about yourself. The only question is whether or not you're open enough to allow yourself to go through that process. If you're not then you stay stuck in the story. If you are, then you move through the story and you find the truth. The truth is hidden in the lesson that is meant to be learned, not the pain of what happened. The pain just shows you that you're going the wrong way. If you just turn around, the truth is right there for you to find.
I see now that if I had made my healing conditional on others, it would have kept me in the loop of powerlessness. I would have gotten stuck very quickly, but that wasn't a conscious thought then. That was something I came to later.