There is a saying in spiritual circles that "You are only one decision away from a new life". This is true, but it's not nearly as instant as this makes it seem. The trick to creating that new life is staying with your original decision. You can decide to believe in yourself, you can even do that one minute to the next if you allow it, but it can take time for the results of that decision to show up. In that time, fear, anxiety, and worry also have a tendency to show up.
We all get here at some point. I wrote a blog for my subscribers yesterday about hitting a plateau and wondering what to do next. The message I gave them was not to push. Don't struggle against it because once we start struggling, we tend to create more reasons to struggle. That's not helpful!
Emotions are created by our thoughts. Emotions are not random. They don't show up "just because". They show up because of the thoughts we think and the script that plays in our heads. If we learn to manage our thoughts, we automatically gain control over how we feel. Contemplating emotions will actually send us down a rabbit hole of more emotion. We get swept in the tide of how we feel and it's really hard to come back from that. This is why when we're trying to heal from past events, it's really important to try to stay out of the emotion of it. We can't control a tidal wave. We have to control the thinking around it.
I've taken some risks over the years to be in business for myself. I've avoided taking a full-time job even when most of the world would probably tell me getting a job was a good idea because financial disaster was imminent or occurring. My credit rating is well, awful, there is no savings or retirement plan and we live pretty much paycheck to paycheck. We are that family that is a $300 problem away from homelessness. It sounds tragic, doesn't it? It's not.
This happens to all of us. We have expectations of other people and they don't live up to them. Sometimes the expectations can be as simple as a family member taking out the garbage. But sometimes the stakes are a little higher and the expectations a little bigger like revealing personal secrets or keeping a date. Whatever the expectation was, it went unmet and now there are hurt feelings and a problem to solve. But what's the answer?
There are many of us out there who are unhappy with our realities. We are wanting change in our lives, we may or may not know how to create that change. Maybe we feel stuck in our current realities. We look at what is going on around us and we’re frustrated by systems and circumstances. Social media is becoming a giant mine field of information and disinformation. People are arguing with each other all over the place. Nobody seems to want to listen to each other. 2020 is the gift that keeps on giving with one thing after another this year. The world seems to be a gigantic train wreck waiting to happen and nobody seems to have any idea how to slow it down. Now what? Let’s start with the basics. The first thing to do is to figure out what’s yours and what’s not. Not everything that’s happening around you affects you directly. You get to decide what you take on and what you don’t. It’s a choice. Just because it’s put in front of you doesn’t mean you have to pick it up. Reacting and responding is a choice. Choose wisely. Second, stop arguing with what is. The system is what it is. I think most of us reading this can agree that it needs to change. We may not agree on how it needs to change and that’s okay. The truth is the more we argue with what is, the more of what is we get,…
Humans judge everything, from foods they eat, to television shows they watch, to their individual day-to-day experiences, humans judge it all. Duality is part of the human experience; right or wrong, good or bad, up or down, left or right, light or dark, and love or hate. All of them serve a purpose. From our human perspective, we can't understand one without understanding the other. We need light to understand dark. We need hate to understand love. We need right to understand wrong and we need up to understand down. This is all part of the human experience.
We all have them, crazy ideas that keep us where we are. We believe we aren't good enough, that we shouldn't or can't, we believe that other people won't like it so we don't do it, we believe that we don't have the money, time or other resources we need to do the thing, we believe it's hard or too complicated or will take too long or we just believe we can't for no good reason at all.
The truth is one of those things we talk about all the time. But what is it anyway? Who decides what’s true and what isn’t? This isn’t a political post. I’m not talking about general societal truth. I’m talking very specifically about our own individual truths and what that means to us individually. Most people skirt around this issue because it’s a tough one. We can spend most of our lives unlearning the things we were taught as children. Those things are true for our parents and they meant no harm in what they were teaching us. The problem though is that our truth as parents is not the same truth our children will have as they grow up. Just the same the truth our parents had is not necessarily ours now. There is nothing wrong with having a different reality than our parents did. There is nothing wrong with doing things differently than our parents did. If your parents are anything like mine, you get made to feel guilty for not being a robot, for not doing it exactly the same way, for not being carbon copies of them. I’m essentially doing it wrong because I’ve chosen not to do it their way. In their eyes, they failed because I’m not identical to them. This has been a difficult thing to work through and it’s taken me until now to get to a place where I don’t care anymore. By trying to live up to what they wanted me…