The saying goes that happiness is an inside job. What does that mean? Regardless of what's going on around us we have the power to be happy in the moment. That isn't necessarily an easy thing to do, but the recognition of the possibility of it is an important first step.
Many people create lives where there are a lot of hidden things going on behind the scenes that others don't see. How many people do we each know that have skeletons hidden in the proverbial closet?
My mother was really good with my brother and me when we were tiny. I think she enjoyed having little kids around. As we got older though, her own trauma started to show up in her parenting style. She was triggered, particularly by me, and it affected our relationship drastically.
Sometimes on the spiritual path we talk about the idea of plateauing. We reach a level or a place on our path and we seem to stay there for a while. It's not a bad thing, we just hang out. Sometimes it makes us wonder what's going on and sometimes it makes us think we're getting lazy or we're not doing enough, but none of those things are true. To access this post, please purchase a subscription
This isn't something I've shared publicly in a blog before. It's not something I talk about a lot. The only place I referred to it is in my first book, The Truth of My Awakening, where I briefly discuss what happened. I was hesitant to share the full story because I didn't want to sound like a victim. I'm not a victim. But I've decided maybe it can help some of you. Maybe you'll be able to relate to it in a way that will be helpful to you. To access this post, please purchase a subscription
Emotions are created by our thoughts. Emotions are not random. They don't show up "just because". They show up because of the thoughts we think and the script that plays in our heads. If we learn to manage our thoughts, we automatically gain control over how we feel. Contemplating emotions will actually send us down a rabbit hole of more emotion. We get swept in the tide of how we feel and it's really hard to come back from that. This is why when we're trying to heal from past events, it's really important to try to stay out of the emotion of it. We can't control a tidal wave. We have to control the thinking around it.
When I talk about letting other people off the hook, it's partially about blame, but there is also a degree of responsibility within that. We can only take responsibility for our own stuff. We can't force others to take responsibility for theirs. As and when we're willing to accept responsibility for our own stuff, we will begin to see relationships shift based on our new truth. Letting others off the hook removes the blame, but also forces us to take responsibility for ourselves and our behaviour. That's why it's so hard to do. It's easier to blame because it allows us to avoid taking responsibility. To access this post, please purchase a subscription
Once we've decided we don't like where we are, we can get to a place of villainizing, getting mad at, or getting frustrated with where we are. While that might be a good catalyst for propelling ourselves forward, we can't stay in that pain and anger too long. It becomes unhealthy after a while.
There were two things that inspired me to begin the process I've been working through for the last few years. The first was pain and heartbreak, which I've talked about in previous posts. The second was the book, "The Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle. Those two things gave me the power and the platform to begin letting go of all the pain and trauma that were stopping me from being who I was.
I'm guilty of this at points in my life. Burying feelings because I thought nobody cared or wanted to know, or that people had enough on their plates without me adding my crap.