It would have been easy to trap myself in my own awareness, to feel guilty even for acting on my own intuition because the appearance of that intuition in the outside world isn't so great. I've said before that hurting people is sometimes an aligned event. It happens because the Universe puts people in our path to help us achieve our goals. Sometimes those people get put there to get hurt, not because the Universe wants to hurt them, but because they need that pain for their own growth and you're just providing it.
We all do it, meaning to reply to a text or an email and then forgetting, only to remember many days or weeks later. It brings up a feeling of guilt and shame. We feel bad for not replying. Somehow somewhere in society we've been taught that not responding immediately is bad. But it is?
There are a number of spiritual truths that we learn over time on this path. They are mostly idealistic ways of being because the human simply isn't capable of living fully within them while remaining engaged in society. No matter how good they get in one way or another, there will always be something to work on.
Life teaches us about our own power. It teaches us about our own ability to overcome the different things that happen in our lives. It teaches us about relationships, both healthy and really toxic. It teaches us about who we are and why we're here. No, we're not here to just pay bills and die. There is far more to this experience than that. To access this post, please purchase a subscription
This isn't something I've shared publicly in a blog before. It's not something I talk about a lot. The only place I referred to it is in my first book, The Truth of My Awakening, where I briefly discuss what happened. I was hesitant to share the full story because I didn't want to sound like a victim. I'm not a victim. But I've decided maybe it can help some of you. Maybe you'll be able to relate to it in a way that will be helpful to you. To access this post, please purchase a subscription
There were two things that inspired me to begin the process I've been working through for the last few years. The first was pain and heartbreak, which I've talked about in previous posts. The second was the book, "The Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle. Those two things gave me the power and the platform to begin letting go of all the pain and trauma that were stopping me from being who I was.
There are many people that don’t like to be seen. They prefer to hang out in the background and hope nobody notices them. Maybe you’re one of those people. Personally, I’ve never been bothered by getting up in front of a crowd or even getting on camera. But that doesn’t mean I wasn’t hiding. I spent a lot of years creating a life I could hide behind. In a way, that’s how I was raised. My parents do that. They have a marriage and a life that they hide behind, but neither are actually happy where they are. Things “look right” even if they aren’t okay. Being seen isn’t just about the willingness to get up in front of a crowd or do a Facebook live, being seen is about showing who you are, warts and all, to the outside world and then being okay with the response you get by doing so. I think for me, that was the hardest part. I wanted to be liked and so I tried to colour in between the lines so that people would like me. If I told the truth if I shared the pain, then people may not like me anymore and that was scary. Even after I got over the idea that life needed to look a certain way, it was hard to let go of the worry of what everybody else would think. Even as I started writing these blogs and sharing some of this stuff, I worried about…
"Should" is a word that spent a lot of time in my business, but it had no place being there. The word implies a level of obligation in business. Take a mailing list for example, its a very common "should". We should all have a mailing list because that's just what people in business do. We should all have a website because every business needs one. We should all write a blog. We should all have this and we should all have that. The business should be formatted this way or that way. It's like somebody created a business cookie cutter and everybody is supposed to follow the models they made.
Life is messy. It's just how it is. Being human isn't always the easiest thing in the world. There is a lot of learning that happens while we're in our human forms. Sometimes we like the things we learn and sometimes those lessons are tough. Sometimes we'd prefer to avoid the lesson entirely.
There's a lie in settling for something that you don't really want because you think it's what you can get in the moment. Settling is telling yourself nothing better is coming, you don't deserve what you want and there's no point in waiting to get it.