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Commitment and Stability Go Together

When I wasn’t committed to myself I went looking for it outside of myself. You’ve seen that when I’ve offered long-term commitments to my academy or even private coaching. I was looking for the commitment outside of myself and, of course, it wasn’t there. What a shock?!

That lack of commitment was created by a general feeling of lack and instability. In reality, they kind of played on each other, one would cause the other to trigger. The more unstable I was feeling in my money story, the less I could or would allow myself to commit to my work. The less I committed to my work, the more unstable I became. It was a loop and a nasty one at that.

After I wrote my last blog, I went and had a shower (Yes it was almost lunchtime and I don’t care! I love getting up and writing in my pj’s with my coffee!) and the idea of commitment hit me. I needed to commit to myself and my journey more fully and I could no longer hinge my commitment on my stability or lack of it. The two needed to get a divorce. They were a little co-dependent and it was creating an unhealthy relationship.

By committing to my journey and myself, more importantly, even while things are unstable and life is a little chaotic, I actually create stability. Remember, everything is within. There is nothing outside. Looking for commitment outside of myself wasn’t going to fill the void. It was another piece of me that I needed to accept. If I didn’t feel worthy of my own commitment, how was I going to be worthy of anybody else’s commitment? By hinging my commitment to myself on stability, it made the entire relationship fickle and very dependent on what was happening around me.

This is where we talk about this idea of being okay regardless of what’s going on around us. My ability to be okay in the storm is created through the understanding that there is nothing out there for me. The storm is not me and it has nothing to do with me. I can find what I need within myself which means I don’t have to pay attention to the storm. The storm in this case is instability. As long as I’m committed to myself and the journey that I’m on, I don’t need to pay attention to the instability. It will resolve itself because of my commitment to myself.

My commitment to myself can’t be fickle just like our commitments to each other can’t be fickle. We see what happens when they are. We see what happens when our relationships with each other are dependent on other people and what they are doing or not doing. The more we’re watching the other person’s behavior, the less attention we’re paying to ourselves within that same relationship.

When we’re too busy pointing out what others should be doing, it means we’re avoiding ourselves. We don’t like how we feel, we don’t want to deal with it, and so we look around in the outside world for excuses to avoid ourselves. I looked around in my outside world and decided that the instability was a reason to not commit to myself. For as long as I avoided that, I stayed in pain. The same will be true for anybody that uses the outside world or other people as an excuse to avoid themselves.

Chances are, it’s being reflected back to you in your life, maybe in more than one aspect of your life. Whatever gaps within yourself you’re trying to fill with people and things outside of you, you will feel pain because what you need is not out there. It probably all goes together. I can connect all of my relationships over the entire course of my life to my lack of commitment and/or instability. I can connect it to my career as well. I can connect it to every aspect of my life because I’ve made my commitment to anything so conditional on outside stuff that I didn’t have control over.

There’s another spot where it shows up. My need to control meant I would withhold commitment. It was the thing I had control over. I could control whether I was committed or not, even if I couldn’t control the things around me. It became a form of self-punishment because it always resulted in more pain. Because the ego likes to protect itself, it would justify the lack of commitment. “See, look what happened! I knew commitment was a bad idea!” The Universe will always prove us right, whatever we believe is true. My lack of commitment would result in pain and it would reinforce the fact that commitment wasn’t a good idea. It was a never-ending loop until I decided to work on the instability, the money story that I was telling.

Then suddenly, I had to look at it. Commitment has been coming up as an issue for a long time. I didn’t understand the connection until now. I kept being told I needed to commit. I kept pointing to the outside world as proof of why I couldn’t. It kept being reflected back to me. Now I get it. There is absolutely nothing outside of me and there is no reason outside of me not to heal myself. Using the outside world as justification for a lack of healing is a lie. It’s not true.

It can take a while to get here. That’s not necessarily an easy path. Look how long it’s taken me! But I promise you that when you connect the dots, when you begin to see it all put together, it gets really easy to let go of. This actually came up the other day. When I do energy-healing work I see pain or trauma as essentially a big ball of energetic goo. It’s a big ball of slime. That ball has all kinds of cords sticking to it. Each of those cords is a belief, an idea, an experience, another wound, or something we’ve attached to that pain in some way. The only way we can get rid of the ball of energy or the core issue is by untangling it from all the stuff we’ve attached to it. Once we remove all the cords, we can just take the ball of junk and toss it. Guess what this process is? I’ve been untangling myself from the mess I’ve attached to my money story.

Boy did I have a lot of stuff attached to it! It’s essentially become a core wound. It’s the big thing that I needed to work through in this life. That’s what I’ve been doing. It’s taken a hell of a long time! What’s the reward? Stability seems kind of obvious and it’s not much of a reward honestly, the reward is actually my ability to help others with their own instability, however it shows up for them. The reward is in the work that I do. The reward isn’t actually stability at all. It’s funny how the goal we’re trying to achieve becomes a by-product of a much bigger picture, but that’s what happened.

Abraham-Hicks says that, don’t they? You know you’ve got it when it comes in and it’s no longer a surprise, it doesn’t mean as much as it used to. That’s not to say it won’t be a good feeling or that we shouldn’t enjoy it, it’s more about the lack of attachment to the outcome and the understanding of the bigger picture and all the things we learned along the way. It becomes less about the big goal and more about what happened because of it. As I go along, that’s becoming more and more true for me. All I’m going to do now is offer you the hope that it can be true for you as well.

Love to all.

Laura

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