Connecting The Dots

Self-awareness has been a process that’s allowed me to understand myself and accept new pieces of myself that I find along the way. I connected a few dots this morning in relation to this and I wanted to share how this all fits together.

“Everything you need is already within you.”


When we feel like we’re not enough, unstable, lacking in some way, maybe we’re afraid, we’re doubting ourselves, or we’re worried about things, those are all indicators that there is a piece of us that has identified with those things. They are not us. They don’t define who we are now, but they are still part of us. It’s a part of us that requires healing.

Healing is a process of identifying all of the bits of ourselves that got bent out of shape because of life, because of the messages of other people, or the experiences we’ve had. Those things caused a piece of us to break off and identify with the pain or crazy ideas that we picked up from those people and experiences. What we do when we heal, is we uncover those bits of ourselves and begin to accept them.

“Stop arguing with it!”

This is something I say all the time! When we feel the pain of lack or worry or fear, it means that we’re arguing with a part of ourselves that doesn’t have the ability yet to not feel the worry, fear, or lack. We’re arguing with a piece of ourselves that doesn’t have what it needs yet. All we simply have to do is accept that there is that piece of us that didn’t have it, and then offer it to that piece of ourselves once we find it within ourselves.

I posted on social this morning about this exact idea. For me, it’s an intuitive process. I can see that younger version of me that is scared or worried or whatever, and I can now offer her those things that she’s missing. By doing that and accepting that she is part of me, I can invite her in or merge with her. By doing that, I stop arguing with myself.

Healing is the process of digging up all the broken bits and filling in the gaps. Once we find the stability within ourselves we can offer it to the piece of us that feels unstable. When we’re arguing with it, we simply tell the part of us that feels unstable to go away or be quiet. As long as we do that, we can’t fully heal because we’re not acknowledging ourselves.

“It’s okay to acknowledge how you feel.”

Acknowledging how we feel creates acceptance. It doesn’t mean we have to go down the rabbit hole. It doesn’t mean we have to cry for hours. It doesn’t mean we suddenly have a whole bunch of deep healing work to do. It means we simply have to accept the bit of ourselves that feels like that and offer to fill the space with something helpful. We’re looking for what’s missing and putting the pieces back together again.

Pain means there are things buried that we need to find. That’s what healing is. Remember those boxes I talk about? When we take our life experiences and the messages of others and we pack them up and keep them as souvenirs, we’re burying the truth under the boxes. The truth is the part of you that isn’t in pain. The truth is the part of you that has the thing you were told you were lacking.

The part of you that feels the lack is the part that identified with the pain. It’s only a part of you though, it’s not the whole thing. Everything you need to heal that part of you is already within you. You don’t need to go looking anywhere else for it. If you move the boxes out of the way, if you stop arguing with it, you’ll find it. It’s right there, exactly where you left it when you decided to be in pain instead.

Healing for me has become a process of accepting parts of myself that were wounded at some point in my life. That acceptance means I stop arguing with myself and I look for the truth of who I am. I am not the pain. The pain is not true. I am the thing that frees me from the pain though. If I feel lacking, the truth is that I am not lacking anything. The truth is that I have everything that I need. Once I can find the part of me that doesn’t feel lacking, I can offer the missing things to the part of me that does feel lacking. That’s how we heal. That’s the process that I’ve been doing over and over and over again.

Healing is self-awareness because healing means you understand where those bits of you came from, what created them, and what you need to do to merge with them and heal them. It’s taking all the parts of you back in that you thought you lost. The truth is you didn’t lose them. You just buried them under pain for a while. That’s okay. Sometimes we need to do that so that we can learn more about ourselves and the truth of who we are.

Let’s nail this down into concrete steps.

  1. Pain means there’s a piece of you that broke off and identified with whatever that pain is. Just recognize that.
  2. Identify what the piece is and figure out why. What experience taught you that?
  3. Have you healed enough to uncover the truth for yourself? If yes, continue. If not, there’s still work to do and that’s okay. Keep going.
  4. Once you understand the truth and you have the missing pieces, offer them to the part of yourself that doesn’t have them. Merge with the broken bits of yourself. Stop arguing with yourself.
  5. Acknowledge the new version of you. You don’t have to be in pain anymore.

Self-awareness means I understand not only who I am as I write this, but who I was before I was able to write this. I understand my journey, not in a way that re-victimizes me, but in a way that allows me to accept myself, broken pieces and all. It also allows me to help others. Conveniently, I get to learn even more about myself through that process as well.

Don’t get me wrong, this process doesn’t end. Life is all about self-acceptance and there will always be new pieces of myself to merge with. This is only one and there are many more to go. The more okay we can get with that process the easier it is to do on repeat. Repetition just means it gets easier. The pieces get harder, they get more difficult to find. They are buried deeper, but they are there nonetheless. The job is just to keep digging until we find them all. But as you probably know by now, I don’t believe we’re meant to complete that journey in any lifetime.

Love to all.


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