When you make a choice to change, the Universe challenges you to stand in it. You can’t do it the old way anymore because it doesn’t work. You have to stand firm in your choice and create that new way of being.
The thing is, it doesn’t matter what happens around you. The Universe wants you to trust not only it, but yourself to be okay no matter what happens. It will never look like what you think it should, but it will be exactly what you need based on where you are.
When things do come crashing down around you, as they inevitably will, you can’t blink. You can’t run away. You can’t change your mind. You have to stay in it. You have to know with everything in you that you will be okay regardless of how crazy life seems.
Breaking cycles, patterns, and habits isn’t an easy process. It’s some of the hardest stuff that I’ve had to do on this journey the last 7 years, but it’s also some of the most valuable work that I’ve done for myself. That process alone created a ton of internal change. I changed how I saw the experiences I was having. I changed how I responded to the life I was living. I changed how I felt about the journey I am on, too.
This journey, when I started it, used to be just a means to an end. I was going after a goal and nothing more. I never really intended to do what I’m doing quite this way. I remember when they intuitively told me that I would need to start sharing my life with the world, and how that triggered me so much. Splashing my problems all over the Internet didn’t seem overly helpful at the time. What I didn’t understand was that I could use my life experience in a way that wasn’t triggering and that didn’t sound like a diary. I had to learn how to write about my life without writing about the story behind the experience.
That’s what I talk about sometimes when I tell you to stay out of the story of it. The game of he said she said serves no purpose, it only creates blame, shame, and guilt. It doesn’t actually solve the problem. But that was something I had to learn for myself through trial and error. If you’ve been around for a while, you’ve probably witnessed a few triggered posts from me while I learned the lessons myself.
The fine art of being able to share the experience without the trigger and the pain comes from healing and learning about ourselves. It comes from understanding that the experience is meant to teach us about who we are and who we are not. It’s meant to show us what we need to heal. It’s not meant to be used as a weapon to continue to beat ourselves up with.
If somebody had told me even 3 or 4 years ago that I would be here doing this like this I would have told them they were nuts! There is no way I would share my life online the way I do now. There is no way I could write as many words as I do these days. There was no way I would offer the kinds of things I offer now because I simply didn’t have the confidence to share it, even if I did know it.
I get reminded all the time that I can’t go backward. I know too much. I’ve healed too much. I’ve come too far. There is no turning around. As for the means to an end, the goal that got me started, it’s still there and I’ll get there but that’s become sort of secondary to this. I do this now, willingly and with about as much passion as I’m capable of putting into things these days. I’m here because I want to be, not because I have to be and not because I’m trying to get somewhere.
My confidence just decided to catch up in the last couple of weeks. It’s interesting how that works. For a long time, I towed it around behind me like dead weight, now it’s okay I don’t have to do that anymore. We can’t fight with our confidence sitting on the couch, we just have to do things and see what happens. I guess I finally challenged it enough that it has decided it’s okay to come out of hiding.
What does that mean? My words are probably stronger because there’s more power behind what I offer. I’m not spending my time worrying about what other people are thinking. This isn’t for everybody and that’s okay. The people that need will find it and that’s all that matters. As for who needs it, it’s for anybody that wants to change things and needs a little bit of guidance around how to go about it without losing their minds.
My two favorite words right now are “trust yourself” because that’s really all you need. Trust your intuition, trust yourself to land on your feet, and for heaven’s sake don’t blink. Just keep going. You will get there and you will be fine. The Universe is just testing to make sure you actually want what you say you want.
Now, go get what you want and trust yourself to do it.
Love to all.