Everything Has a Purpose
Sometimes in life, we go through things that we don’t understand. Either the choice we made didn’t turn out quite the way we planned or we end up somewhere we didn’t really expect. (Just yell, “Plot twist!” when this happens and keep going!) Sometimes after a bad relationship, we think those months or years were a waste of time. But whatever the reason, it’s easy to look around after the experience and wonder what the point was.
It’s only through a willingness to reflect openly and honestly within ourselves that we find the truth of these experiences but that takes time. It doesn’t happen overnight. Often it’s many years later before we understand what that experience was about. Always, we have to move through the pain first.
I certainly could look back through my twenties and early thirties, and wonder what the heck was going on. I do at times have to shake my head, laugh and continually let myself off the hook for the choices I made in those years. I was where I was and I did what I did. That has to be okay because that younger version of me didn’t know what I know now.
I can easily look back and wonder why I dated all those guys. I can look back and wonder why I dropped out of school or waited to get my teaching degree, or moved out so young or a thousand other things.
So many of us spend years beating ourselves up for things we did in the past. We should have seen that crappy relationship coming. We should have known better. We should have just stayed in that job or with that person. We should have just done that thing when we had the chance. But there’s a reason we made those choices. There was more to learn, more to do, more to experience. That’s okay! Allow it to be okay. Those weren’t mistakes. We were simply doing the best we could from where we were. That’s it!
When we keep ourselves on the hook for choices, relationships, and perceived mistakes, all we do is teach ourselves to distrust our own choices. It’s disempowering. Once we stop trusting ourselves, we question every choice. We become afraid to make new choices. Sometimes we get stuck. The reason that happens is that we haven’t forgiven ourselves yet. We’re still punishing ourselves for things we can’t even go back and fix.
There’s a saying, “When you know better, you do better.”. So now that we know better we can do better. First though, we have to allow ourselves the ability to move forward trusting ourselves to make better choices because we’ve learned something along the way.
No, I wouldn’t go back and do the same thing twice. Great! That shows growth. I’ve learned from what has happened. But now I also know that I won’t end up in those same scenarios again. I know how to do it differently. I don’t need to repeat the past.
Instead of asking, “Why did I do that?” try asking, “What did I learn that would let me do this differently now?”. Then give yourself a pat on the back for the clarity you now have.
When we look back on our lives we need to realize that was the best we could do at the time. It wasn’t a waste. It wasn’t good or bad. It just was. Those experiences taught us everything we know now. The learning was the point of the experience. The simple fact that we have the ability to look back and beat ourselves up means we learned the lesson. So take the lesson and drop the regret and the pain. Move on. It’s okay to let this stuff go.
How do I know this? Because I’ve done it myself and I survived. I’m still here and I’m okay. You can be too.
Sending love to all.
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