Getting What You Asked For
I have a lot to share and nothing at the same time. Life’s been happening and that’s okay. I knew some of these moments were coming. Some of the old structures in my personal life are beginning to fall away. The doors are opening now and it’s semi-surreal, but also expected.
On a personal level, it’s a time of truth, restructuring, and the manifestation of all of my greatest fears over the last 25 years or so. The vast majority of them are financial fears. They are fears around not having what we need and money being taken from the bank account with nothing left for food or gas. These are things I’ve been trying to avoid and dodge for years.
A few months ago I gave up. I just stopped fighting. If they were going to take it, then so be it. We’re there now. Things are happening and that’s okay. I don’t personally dive into worry and fear anymore. They don’t really get a person anywhere and all they really do is take away our ability to respond in a rational way. They used to prevent me from doing my work because I would be paralyzed in fear on the couch, which doesn’t help anyone.
There is a very big truth in all of this. I don’t teach because I have my shit together. The skeletons in the closet will all come out and that’s fine because it’s not about me having it figured out. I teach because I’m willing to learn and share at the same time. I teach because I got okay with splashing my life on the Internet while finding the higher or different perspective in the whole thing. I’m willing to ask the questions. Why is this happening? What am I meant to learn? I’m willing to go find the truth behind the things that happen in my life. That’s the part I teach, the truth of our life experiences is not the human story, no matter how compelling that story is.
The goal in the whole thing is that hopefully whoever reads this learns something about how to handle scenarios in their own lives, or they realize that they have the power to create their own change. The goal is that you the reader can use this to find your own strength within yourselves. As the saying goes, if I can do it so can you.
I don’t teach from having it all figured out. I teach like a student that’s been asked to give a presentation in class. I just spent some time figuring out some things and then I share what I learned by doing that research. That’s what my business and my career will be based on for as long as I do this. That’s why I’m here.
My path over the coming weeks is going to be increasingly challenging. There are many things that I’m aware of intuitively that I’ve sort of been waiting for. As I move through these things my work will be increasingly authentic in some ways, but also very real. My goal for my work as the ride intensifies is to share what happens and how I’m managing it. There will be lots of time spent as a student doing the learning over the next while. You’re going to get to come along for the ride if you want to.
Yes, I asked for all of this, knowingly and unknowingly.
I asked for change because I wanted to create a life that I loved. I wanted a life that I didn’t need a vacation from. I wanted certain people and things in my life and that meant I had to heal and begin to do things differently. It meant that I had to change first. I’ve been doing that and you’ve been watching me do that. Now I’ve done enough work on myself that the outside world changes too. Remember that lag time I talk about sometimes? Well I had a period of quiet and they told me the roller coaster would start abruptly, and here we are.
To have the life that I want, all of these skeletons, all of these fears, need to be healed and released. Many of them just need to happen. I need to have the experiences to get over the fear of them. It’s like being afraid of heights and just going to stand at the top of a really tall building. That’s what I’m doing. So, while I didn’t specifically say that I wanted to experience all this, it is part of the process. These things have to happen in order to create what I want.
There is some truth in the saying, “be careful what you wish for, you might just get it”. What you get may not be what you wanted at first, but it will be what you need in order to have what you want. These aren’t roadblocks. They show up because they are trying to get out of your way. The only question is whether or not you allow them to leave. You allow them to leave by not preventing the experiences from happening. Don’t do anything. Don’t fix it. Just let it go. When you allow it to crumble, and you don’t try to put it back together again, it makes room for the change that you do want.
Financially, I’m not fixing it and I’m not preventing it. I will have to take responsibility for it and I will have to correct it, not by holding it off, but by allowing it to happen and dealing with the consequences of it in my reality. That’s no easy task, but that’s the work. That’s the part where I take my fear of heights, go to the top of a really tall building, and look down. Whatever the fears are for you, the challenge will be the same. Can you stare down that really tall building? You know what? You can. You just have to decide to do it because nobody can do it for you. You have to do it yourself.
Love to all.