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Hanging On To Tension

I’ve written myself out of every other thing I’ve run into for months now. So, let’s just keep that ball rolling, shall we?

Today’s topic is tension. It’s that leftover, hold-over, stress tension that shows up when the old cycle is triggered. Fear and worry have been dropped. There is no need for that but there’s this underlying tension hanging around that doesn’t need to be there either. So what’s that about?

The final thread of the old cycle. The final little tether that connects me to this old cycle and prevents me from moving forward. It’s not hiding, I’m quite aware it’s there. It just needs to be cut. So, I’m sitting here attempting to snap it and it dawned on me that writing or journaling in a blog, is a really good way for me to figure this out. The best way to learn something is to try to teach it to somebody else. So here we are.

This comes back to this question of who am I if I don’t have this cycle or problem in my life? Who am I if I’m not this? I’m still me. I’m still writing and sharing. I’m still doing all the things I always do I just don’t have this little bit of tension hanging around.

This is a habit, by the way. This is not deep healing. It’s a habitual response to a ridiculous idea I used to have that this cycle needed to be very stressful and very painful. Note to self; that’s not true! We don’t need to do this. The habit of the response can be identified and cleared. The problem with this is there’s no patch, there’s no pill, you just sort of have to figure out how to let it go cold turkey. So how does one do that?

In the rather large box that contains this old cycle, there is a small little trinket that I have mostly ignored up until now, that is this little bit of tension that I seem to be holding on to. It’s pretty innocuous. It’s not very big. It’s not particularly shiny. It doesn’t jump out screaming for attention. It’s just there proudly taking up space.

I’ve dealt with the rest of the box. Most of this stuff has been released. There is hardly anything left anymore. The only piece that’s causing trouble is this little one at the very bottom. It’s attached to something. It’s attached to my identity because it’s the piece that makes me wonder who I am if I’m not attached to this. The piece has my name on it because I’ve identified with it.

Guess what? My name is on a sticker. It means it can be removed. I don’t have to identify with it. It’s not a permanent thing. This piece will find a better home with somebody that needs the lessons it provides. It doesn’t need to stay with me anymore and it certainly doesn’t need my name on it. It can be free to go.

But wait! It’s attached to my worthiness and my sense of self. But I’m not that. I’m worthy of the work that I do and the things that I share. I am not my problems or the old cycles that used to keep me stuck. I get to be free of those now. I don’t have to do this anymore. Life gets to be easy when you get out of the cycles and the pain. It doesn’t have to be this big, hairy deal we want to make it out to be. It can be much simpler than that. Releasing this bit of tension is the final step towards that freedom.

Why would I be scared of freedom? Because it’s unknown. It’s different. Remember the mind only likes what it knows or what it has already experienced. It knows pain and it knows this old cycle very well. It doesn’t know what to expect with something new. But that’s okay, I expect my brain will figure it out just as it has many times before. I’m not buying into fear or worry either. Those don’t have a place here anymore.

Thanks for hanging out with me for so long, little buddy. I am so grateful for all the lessons you taught me. I wouldn’t be here right now without you. Now off you go, it’s time to show somebody else the magic that you showed me.

Love to all.

Laura

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