I’m Onto The Next Thing!
I’m being asked to slow down in my work somewhat right now. That means a little bit of gear switching in terms of pumping out the quantity of content that I normally do. I’m going to back off the regular writing on social media that I normally do.
The slow down means I’m going to go focus on my book for a while. It’s productive without the pushing that I’ve been doing. I’m still here. I’m still taking clients. I’m still open to whatever you need from me. I’m just being asked to not push so hard.
The truth is, that’s a struggle. I’m very motivated lately and I have been for a while. There has been a shift in my motivation too. For the longest time, my motivation was just solving my own problems. It was all about fixing my life and that money story. But now it’s different. I’m not motivated by the external anymore. Now I do it because I wouldn’t do anything else. I do it because I genuinely want to do it and not because I have to. I absolutely adore my work.
As is always the case when we get asked to slow down, it’s in preparation for other things. I’m okay with that. The “lesson” in my life is changing because the old story isn’t true anymore. The shift in the lesson means a shift in the things that happen in my life. Will it mean my work will evolve as well? Probably because that’s kind of how this goes.
The other day what was coming up for me was this idea of emotions. I admit to being pretty determined and pushing through things. Sheer willpower is how I’ve survived many of the things that have happened in my life. I encourage mental clarity to avoid being stuck in the emotionality of things. There is a benefit to doing that, but I also recognize because I’ve done it myself, the harm in avoiding your emotions. There is a balance to be found in there. The extremes of being sucked into your emotions or ignoring them entirely aren’t generally helpful and usually result in a lot of pain being created.
There were many years of my life where my favorite saying was ” computers don’t have feelings”. I hated emotions whether they were my own or somebody else’s. The reason I didn’t like them was that the emotion was always pain of some kind. The emotion was never good because I was miserable. Other people were also in pain and tossing it around at the people around them, which just meant more pain that I not only didn’t know how to deal with but didn’t want to deal with either. Emotions meant pain and I wanted nothing to do with it, so I avoided the whole thing.
There was something else behind that avoidance, it wasn’t just about not wanting to feel pain. It was also about my confidence in dealing with it, especially in relation to others. I didn’t trust myself nor did I have the confidence to handle my own emotions never mind anybody else’s. My sense of powerlessness stopped me from being able to process emotions or handle other people’s emotions when they expressed them.
Honestly, I’ve used my work to help me figure that one out. It’s been through my work as a tarot reader, energy healer, and now author and spiritual teacher or coach that I’ve been able to understand how to manage emotions better and I’m more okay with it when people bring their emotions to me than I was before. There was a time when I could barely acknowledge how people were feeling, let alone do anything else, and I’ve gotten better with that. It’s obviously still a work in progress, but I’m definitely better than I was.
The way I’ve chosen to balance the emotions and work with them with others is to understand why they are there. What’s the thinking behind them? Even without conscious thought, all emotion is preceded by brain activity of some kind, whether we’re aware of it or not. What came up was the question of what happens when I don’t have time to sit and think about how to feel? How do I manage when life happens and I’m confronted with other people and their feelings? I can’t just ignore them but I also don’t have 20 minutes to go think about it. Now what?
With that came the reminder that not everything is a coaching session and that there are people around me to whom I’m very emotionally attached. That attachment makes it harder to let my intuition drive because the emotional response is stronger in those situations. The goal still has to be to not just react but to give myself an extra second to allow my intuition to come through so that I can respond intuitively instead of emotionally. I can manage emotions and even express them while still allowing my intuition to keep driving, knowing that I can deal with the stronger emotions after. It’s really a matter of understanding that we don’t have to respond from ego all the time. Bringing awareness into every experience takes practice, but it is possible.
As with everything the goal is being confident enough to create a balance while acknowledging myself and others. That’s no easy feat, especially for somebody like me that spent years pretending she was a robot so she didn’t have to feel anything. Learning not only how to allow feelings but how to respond to others’ feelings, has been a big part of my journey, even though I haven’t really talked about it.
Opening up and beginning to talk about my life in blogs and podcasts was part of that journey. Some things I was hiding, but most things I just didn’t see value in talking about, so I didn’t say anything. I didn’t bring up my own experiences even when they related to what others were talking about. I hid other things because of shame. I avoided a whole bunch more because it felt overwhelming to me. I didn’t have the skills or confidence to process it.
For a long time, my emotional IQ was zero. I’m still in the learning phase. It’s still evolving. Beginning to understand the energy of emotion allowed me to find ways to manage the emotion from an energetic standpoint. Doing that allowed me to understand that I could take my brain and my awareness with me while feeling emotions. Emotions didn’t have to be overpowering all the time. I learned by doing that, that I could actually handle my own emotions and begin to handle the emotions of others as well. That evolution is evident in my coaching sessions, even if it’s still a work in progress.
It took me time to gain enough confidence to share my own experiences in those sessions. It took time to be comfortable when other people would get upset by what was happening. It took a while for me to stop apologizing every time something we were working through upset them. It took time to get okay with saying what was coming through intuitively without apologizing first because my guides are a lot blunt sometimes. Those are all confidence things. They all stem from that powerlessness that I felt for so long.
I made my work very logical because it was comfortable to do that. I knew the extreme of just ignoring emotion wasn’t okay, so I balanced that with offering you the option of bringing your brain with you so that you don’t have to get sucked in. I suppose now part of the next evolution will be how to actually deal with the emotion without all the mental gymnastics. We’ll see what happens!
Anyway, expect to see a little bit of a slow down in the amount of sharing I do. I’m on to the next thing and we’ll have to see how it shows up. I’ll be around if you need me though!
Love to all.