I’m Still Worried About Other People! What the Heck?!
I actually laugh when I come to write a blog now because of the way I use this thing. In trying to find my own sense of independence and freedom, I keep sharing so that I can bring you along for the ride if that’s what you’re wanting to do. It makes me laugh because of how weird what I do actually is.
Yesterday I talked about waiting for the other shoe to drop. You can check that blog out here. It was about waiting for trouble and always looking over my shoulder expecting the worst. Well, there’s another aspect to that. worrying about how other people are responding to what I’m offering. There’s a little bit of a need for approval in there. Will they like it?
I grew up being taught not to ruffle the feathers of anyone around me. It’s an old carryover. It’s dumb of course because it really doesn’t matter. You’re free to take or leave anything I share. I’m not supposed to be here to convince you of anything, but when I’m worried about how people are reacting to what I’m sharing, I do a little bit of that. Sometimes it even comes across as defending myself, which is also not one of the things I want to be doing.
It all ties into my confidence or lack of it. I’ve said many times, we can’t argue with that. We just have to let that be there and do things anyway. Confidence gets built through doing and being successful at things, not through sitting on the couch trying to heal it. Since my confidence is still trailing behind me, it brings up this thing about what other people are doing with what I offer.
My first thought in response to this idea was very human. I’ll just stop posting. hahaha Yeah, cause that’ll work. If I intend to communicate for a living I kinda have to post and well, communicate. It seems kind of obvious, doesn’t it? I think we can all recognize that this is just my ego trying to protect me and keep me in my shell. There was a day when I would have run with that idea though. It’s not that long ago really. Being able to simply acknowledge that thought and not let it get any traction is a step forward all by itself.
Believe me, it may seem small, but those little things like that make a difference. It’s all about how we respond not only to the outside world but then to ourselves as well. This is self-realization through life experience. I’m learning to understand myself better based on the experiences that I have and I’m allowing my life to show me what I need to work on. Of course, it’s doing exactly that, which is why I’m writing this.
I won’t do it in this blog, but there is another piece to this, which is understanding what to take on from your experience and what to leave alone. Life will reflect back to you what you need, but you have to be able to recognize it so you’re not taking on things that aren’t yours. That can be a learning curve sometimes. I’ve talked about it before but I’ll do another blog soon enough about this because it’s important to recognize what is just the pain of other people, and what they are showing you about yourself.
What am I actually going to do with this thing of worrying about other people in terms of my own healing? Just be aware of it. I can’t heal it sitting on my couch. It’s literally something I have to just watch for when people respond to my work and then pay attention to my own reaction. There is absolutely no doubt that the Universe is going to give me lots of opportunities to do that in the near future. I’m totally okay with that because it means I have the power to then shift away from the thing that’s causing me trouble.
I’ve learned to allow my experience to become the teacher and be okay with the fact that it just requires awareness from me to learn from it. Yes, I’m learning in real-time right in front of you in broad daylight every single day. I didn’t come here to show up as perfect. Heaven knows I’m so not perfect. So that means I allow myself to be human and then use my awareness of myself to deal with the bits that show up that might get in my way. Certainly, this is one of those things that would get in my way if I wasn’t aware of it and didn’t deal with it.
So here we are. I’m not perfect. I’m human. Apparently, I’m still worried about what other people are doing and I need to knock it off. There you go. This is part of what I call blocking out the outside world and not allowing it to bother me. That includes my social media platforms, not just my real-world experience with the people directly around me. You can bet, I’ll be checking in before I respond to anything for the next little while so that I can be mentally clear about what the shift needs to be. Those are things that only happen because I choose to be aware of myself within my experience. It’s still not a perfect system, but it’s a heck of a lot better than it was.
Yes, often the awareness kicks in afterward. My theory is that it’s better late than never. Even if I mess it up I can still come back to it and then work on it moving forward. It’s never about beating myself up. It’s about allowing myself to be human. I can put the check in place now. It doesn’t matter that it’s after an experience that’s already happened. It’ll change very quickly now because I fully intend to be aware of it. That’s the key to doing any of this work that I offer, awareness of yourself within your own experience, whether you catch it before or after makes little difference. What does make the difference is the fact that you catch it at all because catching it is the first step to healing it.
Love to all.