It’s Okay to Be Stubborn

I admit it. I’m stubborn as a mule sometimes. Yes, it kind of goes against my Cancer Sun sign, but there it is. I’ve spent much of my life figuring out how to use that stubborn thing the right way. For the most part, growing up, I didn’t use it the right way and it got me in trouble. A lot.

I spent my childhood and much of my early adult life being stubborn to be right. In case it wasn’t obvious, that’s the wrong way to use that stubborn streak. Using it to be right meant that I wasn’t using it to maintain my boundaries. I wasn’t using it to maintain my independence. Instead, I was giving up on those things and then being stubborn about the dumb day-to-day crap that doesn’t matter anyway.

The result? I ended up creating a life that completely disempowered me. I had to let others take my power away while I was busy being right in order to prove them wrong. That sounds absolutely ridiculous, but it’s exactly what I did. I created a life I hated in order to show others that what they were telling me was wrong. I went in completely the wrong direction to prove a point. How’s that for stubborn?

After that realization, I had to begin the really scary process of redirecting all that stubborn energy to put my boundaries where they needed to be so that I could take my power back. I had to get stubborn about the things I actually wanted instead of just proving other people wrong or using it just to be difficult. I had to figure out what was truly important to me and what was just for show to keep other people happy. Then I had to be okay with upsetting those same people so that I could make myself happy instead.

Changing course in your mid 4o’s in an interesting and rather terrifying proposition, but it is necessary for me. That’s the thing about growth. It’s not a straight line and it doesn’t always happen when the world tells you it should. The world says you’re supposed to learn all this stuff young, make all the mistakes early in life so that by the time you’re my age, you’re okay in your own skin and your life is set up. The truth is, life doesn’t work like that. Some of us figure this stuff out in our mid 40’s, 50’s, 60’s, and sometimes we never really figure it out at all and that’s okay too.

Life is a journey, not a checklist or a destination. It’s not a straight line and the rules aren’t what most of us get taught they are. We have to learn later on through a process of trial and error that it’s okay to go backwards when everybody else is going forwards. It’s okay to start again in your 40’s because you messed up the first time. Ultimately, we all end up in the same spot anyway, right?

I’m still human though. I’m not perfect and that stubborn streak still bothers me from time to time. That’s part of the fun. Awareness is only the first step in a much longer process and it doesn’t matter what issue we’re talking about. Healing and change are processes that happen over time, not over night. The goal is just to be patient and keep moving forward. Just do the best you can from where you are at every minute. The best you can may suck, it may be imperfect, but it’s the best you can and that’s okay.

The only thing that matters is that you keep going. Keep growing. Keep changing. Keep being.

Love to all.


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