It’s Time to Stop the Fight

We can’t fight with reality. When we fight with reality we lose because we can never create the type of change we want from this space of arguing with everything. It won’t change until you do. I learned this one the hard way as most people do.

When we say that something needs to give, it’s because we’re playing tug-of-war with our realities and the pull of reality is far stronger than the pull of our own pain. The pain is real and unfortunately, it is us in the pain that ends up giving in. It is only once we surrender permanently to the pain that things actually begin to change. Surrendering just for a few weeks or days to see what happens won’t change anything. We have to stay in that place of surrender, even if everything around us collapses.

I remember the day I gave up and surrendered. I remember when my reality finally forced me to stop arguing with it because I couldn’t fix it. I didn’t have the power to change anything. The only thing I could do from that space was surrender completely and let things happen the way they were going to with no intervention from me. I sat on my hands and watched. Yes, it was hard to do.

When I finally decided it was time to take control again, I had to come at it differently. I couldn’t come at it from a place of needing to fix things. I had to simply decide what I wanted, focus only on that, and move forward while ignoring everything else that was wrong in my world. Now, from here I can create what I want because I’m no longer bothered by all the things I don’t want. My experience is now mostly neutral. It is neither good nor bad, right nor wrong, it just is.

I do what I want, not to fix problems, but because I want to do those things. The solving of the problems is secondary, it is a bi-product of simply being in my power and focusing only on what I want to create. What that looks like for me is writing and doing my work. Surrender to me looks like not being distracted by what’s going on around me. Surrender to me looks like simply focusing on the books and courses that I’m trying to create. My work helps me maintain my own alignment and balance. I use it to help me do that almost every day. My work gives me the power to create my life on my own terms. Not only do I get to help you, but I get to help me too.

When we decide what we want to create in the outside world, we have to decide to create it within ourselves first. That means we have to get okay in our reality without that thing. We can’t be arguing with what we don’t have. We can’t be mad at our reality for what it is doing or not doing for us. We can’t feel limited, stuck, in pain, or unhappy. We have to be okay within ourselves first.

If we do manage to create from a place of pain which many people do, we will find that it’s not a very happy place to be. When we create from the pain we create more pain. When we create from a sense of well-being, we create more well-being. We think if we only had that one thing life would be better, not realizing that the material thing we want to create isn’t the problem. The problem is within us. The problem isn’t out there.

It’s the feeling of not having, of being trapped or stuck, it’s the feeling of pain that is the problem. That is the thing that needs to heal. That is where the focus needs to be, not on the outside world. We don’t fix things within us by fixing things outside of us. The reverse is actually the truth.

That’s hard. We want to deflect. We want to make it about something outside of ourselves because that’s easier in some ways. But it only perpetuates the pain. It only continues the cycle. It doesn’t actually solve anything, even though we like to think it will. If you feel trapped it’s not because there is an actual limit, it’s because you’re not allowing yourself to do what you want to do. Then you tell me you don’t have the resources to do what you want to do. Well, what can you do from where you are? How can you give yourself what you need from where you are without needing anything to change outside of you? Why are you stopping yourself and then complaining you feel trapped? The limit is your own.

You are not trapped within your reality. You are simply denying yourself your own freedom and blaming the outside world for that feeling. The feeling is your own. The feeling is the one thing that you have control over. The feeling is the thing you can heal. The feeling of freedom is the thing you can give yourself without actually changing anything. The feeling is where your power is, yet you ignore it and blame it on things outside of yourself.

You will surrender. It will be you that will give in because you will have to. The pull of reality will be too strong, the pain will be too much, and you will have to put down the rope and stop tugging. You will have to learn to be okay from where you are and only then will you be able to create the change you seek.

The world may change while you’re playing tug-of-war. If it does, it’s because the world will continue to show you what you don’t want until you put down the fight. How much pain do you need to be in before you finally give in?

It’s not a bad thing, giving in. We want to see it like that because the story of the valiant hero that never stopped fighting is a good one and it makes us feel better about continuing the struggle. The truth is, surrendering is the valiant thing to do. It will allow you to rise up and create a life that is worthy of the magical power you hold inside of you.

Stopping the fight was the best thing I ever did for myself. It freed me in ways I haven’t even perceived yet. I promise, that if you stop the fight for yourself, you will find the same thing. It’s okay to stop trying to make it work. It’s okay to stop sacrificing yourself. It’s okay to stop the pain. It’s okay to heal. Give yourself that permission. I know for sure that it’s worth it.

Love to all.


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