My Story of God and Religion
I answered a question that somebody asked in a Facebook group today with a personal story from my past. I want to share it with you as well. If you’re struggling with religion and spirituality or interpreting God, this may help.
I was 20-years old, I was a regular in the Roman Catholic church that I had grown up in. I was reasonably well-known to the congregation as a Sunday school teacher, reader, and alter server as a teenager. Then I got pregnant and life changed.
When I got pregnant my mother told me that she didn’t want me to go to church anymore. The truth of that was that she was ashamed of me and projecting that shame by telling me I wasn’t welcome there anymore. At the time, I took it as her interpretation of the religion and of God. God was judging me through my mother. That was how I saw it.
Ultimately, I lost the baby, he was stillborn. After the pregnancy ended my mother told me it was okay for me to go back to church. At this point I rejected her flatly. If I wasn’t good enough to go to church pregnant, than I wasn’t good enough to attend church not pregnant. It was here that I dropped religion entirely. I would not even consider anything else for another 20-years.
I believe now that my mother may have protected me, intentionally or unintentionally. Because I was a well-known face, it is likely that other members of the congregation would have said things to me or to my parents. Although I would have gone to church pregnant, it was probably in my best interest at the time, not to.
My days of going to church, of being Roman Catholic, ended at that time. There was an entirely new path, the one I call spirituality, that I had to find and go down. It would be 20-years before I would have my spiritual awakening and begin to consider a new religion. I did look at other Catholic religions. I even considered Buddhism. But I wasn’t interested in converting. I didn’t want or need organized religion.
That was how I found this concept of spirituality. It was through looking around for belief systems, religions, that made sense to me. The old ideas that I had been given through Roman Catholicism no longer made sense. They created a God that needed anger management because he liked to punish people so much. But that didn’t seem right.
Finding spirituality gave me the tools I needed to begin to do the shadow work and heal. It allowed me to believe in a God that wasn’t out to get me and find a way forward that actually freed me instead of keeping me locked up in fear. The fear is gone. Something resembling clarity is now present. I worry a lot less about messing it up and spend a lot more time working on myself and helping others do the same for themselves.
I’ve learned a lot about myself, my old religion, my belief systems, who I am now and who I want to be. I’m not done yet. It’s still a work in progress. I know that freeing myself from the chains of that religion gave me a way forward that I could never have imagined 20-years ago.
Spirituality is one way forward but there are many. Balance the beliefs of religion and spirituality as it makes sense to you. There is no wrong way to do it, only your way, and that’s perfect for you.
Love to all.
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