Ready or Not Here I Come!
Today has been an interesting and somewhat emotional day for me. It’s nothing bad. There’s nothing happening and everything is happening. Things haven’t changed at all and everything also changed completely. Let’s see how cryptic I can make this!
I’ve had a number of people submit applications to work with me for free for a while. Two of them were existing clients of mine. There was no meet and greet meetings necessary, just fill in the form, and off we go. The others are new to me. They require meet and greet chats. It’s time to get to know each other a little bit and understand what we’re getting ourselves into before we jump in with both feet.
The first of those meetings is tomorrow. The meeting itself is fine. There’s nothing unusual about that. The first chat is always a little weird in the beginning, but quickly everybody gets more comfortable and things move forward with relative ease. So what’s the hold-up? The change that comes with that. It’s the beginning for me. It’s bigger than just the meeting. It’s more than that.
It’s not about the client, that could be anybody and the feeling would be the same. It’s not the meeting, I’ve had many of those. It’s not my skills, I’m confident in my ability. I’ve done the work and I belong here doing this work with others. What I understand intuitively is that it’s a door for me. It brings in a shift in my reality. It changes everything for me. It speeds the process up. It moves things along. It signals a transition taking place.
I’ve been moving forward for a long time. I’ve been doing this work for a long time. I’m aware that I was pushing for this change. I knew this was the goal. It’s just emotional when you reach it. The emotion wasn’t excitement either. It triggered fear of lack and not enough. It triggered the old story. Thank goodness for awareness otherwise I would have been lost down the rabbit hole like Alice in Wonderland chasing the rabbit. I let my brain have a couple of minutes of problem-solving time and then I told it to shut up. That’s how I roll around here these days.
Why did it trigger the old story?
The intuitive awareness of the shift, the door that I presented myself with when I offered coaching the other day, people taking me up on the offer, new folks coming in, all of those things showed me that life had changed. It’s one of the first signs outside of myself, outside of my own internal reality, that something is different, something is moving and quickly.
I’ve offered private coaching like this before and nobody made a peep. The truth is, I wasn’t ready. I didn’t have what I have now, I couldn’t do what I do now. I guess I figured this would succumb to the same fate. Why would anybody want to work with me? It’s not about my skills or my lack of them, it’s just a general sense of not ever expecting to be enough in the eyes of others, even if mentally I believe I am within myself. Then when you finally see that you are enough and it’s not just in your own head, it takes you for a loop.
I had the brainiac idea to put up a paid version of the free coaching I’m offering. The cards said, “you’re just going to have to accept that you can be paid for what you know”. Youch! So, I put up the higher ticket coaching again and then descended into fear. I laughed at myself when I wrote that just now because it’s just the story of the mind deciding that change is terrifying and that we can’t go there. Do you know how much I’ve changed in the last 8 years or so? Do you know how many hurdles I’ve overcome? How far I’ve gotten? I didn’t do all this without changing anything. I changed everything to get here! So what the heck is this story about not being able to change? It’s bullshit!
Yes, somebody will pay for that coaching this time, maybe more than one person. That day is coming and soon. It will be emotional, just like today has been. But I’m ready. It’s time for a change, not just inside of me, but in the outside world too.
Look out world! Ready or not, here I come!
Love to all.