Self Awareness and Empowerment
Self-awareness is the journey I’m on. My goal is to understand myself better by experiencing life and then being open to examining myself, my responses, my behaviors, my beliefs, and the pain I pick up along the way. I do it rather publicly and openly, sharing with you the experiences and the new ideas that come from those experiences.
I’ve chosen to focus on empowerment, the idea that it is possible to live a better life, to be happy, and to be okay, without dragging around all the crap most of us are prone to carrying. I do that because self-awareness has led me to understand that it is my own journey. It’s something I happened upon, not something I necessarily set out to do intentionally. It’s a path that’s been filled with learning and the teacher in me can’t help but share that learning with you.
My self-awareness comes in waves. I get quantities of it for a few weeks and then it stops and then I get more again. The more I learn about myself the more I change. The more I change the less I respond to the outside world, to the people around me, to life in general. The more I change, the more the people around me complain that I’ve changed.
I noticed the other day that some of those “typical problems” were showing up. They are things that used to stress me out and worry me and cause me some grief, and I would race to fix them. This time, I didn’t even blink. I don’t even care. Not only are they not triggers anymore, they aren’t even problems. They are circumstances that my human runs into but can do nothing about. So, I just simply turn inward and watch the action around me. I let everybody else worry and stress and I hang out in my internal world, unphased by what’s going on around me.
Seems selfish doesn’t it? Letting people worry while I sit here unbothered by the whole thing? If they are worried it’s because they don’t understand how it works. Worry and fear are created by this belief that our job is to fix the outside world. In case I haven’t said it enough, you can’t fix the outside world. Strop trying! Just let it spin. Let it sort itself out. How do you do that? Get control over your thinking around what you perceive to be a problem.
It’s only the ego that wants to fix things because it perceives a problem or danger. It’s just trying to protect you. But that’s not helpful. There is nothing to protect you from. It descends into worry and fear out of habit. It’s just used to being worried. So it looks for things to worry about and inevitably it finds them. If you look for problems you will always find them. We don’t need to make a scavenger hunt out of looking for problems and things to worry about. It makes life suck, quite frankly.
I’m using a new card deck (I know you’re sick of cards but bear with me.) and they have a sense of humor to them. They are quite a sarcastic lot actually. I enjoy the moments of laughter I get from this new set of cardboard. They were teasing me for looking at the old path and wanting to go down it for a moment. I had the guts to go down the path of living a life of self-awareness and use that as a platform to take back control of my life and create the life that I wanted from the start. But here I was, focusing on problems again because whatever would I do if I didn’t have a problem to solve? What would I do if I simply recognized that things had changed and that there was nothing to fix and that I could simply continue doing what I normally do without even skipping a beat? What is a world without problems to solve and things to worry about? Maybe I should tune in for 5 minutes and find out.
I laughed my head off because it hit me. Everything had changed even though I was still staring at the same walls and sleeping on the same couch. Everything had changed, even though my physical reality hadn’t moved very far at all. What had really changed? Me. If I just paid attention for a second I would see that the pattern was no longer there, the worry was no longer there, and that it wouldn’t end like it usually did. Things were different now because I was different now. Things were different because I had broken the pattern. Things were different because I had done the work. Things were different because now when the challenge arose to go down this path this week, I accepted almost without thinking. There was no reason not to go here and do this but there were many reasons to do this for me.
The more I learn about myself through accepting these little challenges, the more I have to share with you. The more I learn about myself, the easier my life gets. The more I learn about myself, the happier I become even while the physical world remains essentially the same. The more I learn about myself, the more I learn about myself. When it comes down to it, that’s the gold. That’s the ticket. Understanding myself creates healing and more awareness. That’s exactly what each of us is trying to do on our own journeys anyway, right?
So here we are, a few days later, lots of realizations big and small. You know what I know now? I’m not the same person I was when I started this on Friday. We’re only halfway through, but I already know I won’t be the same person when the week ends either and I’m okay with that. Change and growth are the reason for all of it. At this point, I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Love to all.