Life always gave me lots of reasons to be unhappy, whether it was the stress of money, being bullied as a kid, or whatever was going on, I had many reasons to be upset. It was less of a drop to go from sort of a neutral state to unhappy than it was to go from being happy to miserable. It didn't hurt as much if I wasn't as happy as I could or should have been. It wasn't as much of a shock. Is it possible I'm still protecting myself that way? It's quite likely, actually.