• The Part I Haven’t Shared Yet

    I’ve told and re-told my lack story over time and it’s always the same general perspective as I feel very much like the story is still in progress. But the thing is that I’ve learned a lot along the way. Maybe what’s more important is what I haven’t shared yet. The journey for me has not been a practical one, not even a little bit. The impracticality of the way that I’ve had to navigate this journey for myself can make it seem like I’m implying that all of you should just allow yourselves to be homeless because I tell you not to do anything about it. Immediately the mind wants to go into the fear of what if. Doing without is really not the intent of what I share. It’s not about getting okay with worst-case scenarios. So what I want to do with this blog is try to explain a little better what I’ve learned. I’ve shared some of the “fun” I’ve had in breaking this cycle of lack. I’ve gotten to experience some of those worst-case scenarios that all of you would undoubtedly, rather avoid. You can avoid them if you’re willing to do the internal work to get there. I’m going to try to explain to you how to do that. The first thing I had to do was let go of it all. I had to stop fixing it, I had to stop paying attention to it, and I had to stop worrying about it. This is some of the hardest stuff to do because this is the place where those worst-case scenarios show up about what happens when we don’t pay the water bill, the light bill, or the rent. This is the mind telling you stories about all the possibilities. The more you worry about it, the more you attach to it, the more likely you are to experience those possibilities. Why? Because the Universe is trying to break you of the habit of worrying about things outside of yourself. You know, because I’ve told this story, that I allowed the worst-case scenario. I didn’t pay the rent. I allowed eviction. Why? To teach myself how to be okay regardless of what was going on around me. I learned a second lesson in that process, which was that I was supported in what I was doing. We ended up upgrading our living conditions. We didn’t end up in a box. We didn’t end up homeless. It worked out well. By allowing that to happen, by not engaging, by not fixing, the cycle stopped. The rent hasn’t been late since. The habit was still there though. So, I had learned not to fix the outside world. I got much better at sitting on my hands while the world spun around me. But, my energy was still wonky. I still worried about things, I just didn’t respond to the feelings anymore. I didn’t respond to the thoughts. It actually helped with my self-awareness because it…