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The Decision to Heal

I was in pain. I had a lot going on. The bills were unpaid. Life was a mess. I was constantly looking over my shoulder waiting for the next thing to happen. I was scared every day never knowing what might happen next. Would we survive? I had no idea, I just knew I needed to change it and I knew there was only one way to do that.

The only way out was through. I had to face the fear of what would happen if I didn’t fix the outside world. What would happen if I focused on how I felt and what I was thinking instead of what was going on around me? What would happen if I didn’t respond as I normally did? Would they think I didn’t care?

We couldn’t stay where we were though. I needed to do something differently. My cards and my intuition kept telling me that I needed to just stay with it, keep healing, and eventually it would change. If I just found a way to sit on my hands and not do anything, not fix it this time, the cycle would break. It would end. It would be okay.

I chose to heal then and I keep choosing to heal now, every single day of my life. The choice to do that at first was a roller coaster ride and a half. It was scary as hell, but it was necessary because it was the only way to stop the ride. It was the only way out. None of the other stuff that I had tried, worked. I couldn’t avoid it anymore. I couldn’t avoid how I felt. I couldn’t avoid what I wanted in my life, the goals that I had. I couldn’t avoid myself anymore.

I had done that for years. I had avoided, dodged, fixed, hidden, and stayed away from all of it because I didn’t think I could do it. I didn’t think I had the power to change it. I didn’t think I could manage what would happen next if I did something different. Until I did manage what happened next because I finally decided it was time to do something different, it was time to heal. It was time to pay attention to myself.

Are you in that place right now, where life is a disaster, you’re miserable, and you have no idea how to manage your day-to-day let alone change anything?

I’ve been there. I know that feeling. I know how awful it is and how miserable it can be. I also know that I’m on the other side of that. That means that I landed on my feet. The world did not fall apart the way my mind would have me believe it would. Things did not go as I expected they would. The best part? I’m okay now. I’m not in pain anymore. I fixed it.

But I fixed it by fixing myself. I fixed it by healing. I fixed it using all the stuff I share all the time. That was how I changed everything. It was a hard decision. It wasn’t easy. It takes courage. It takes guts. It takes determination and willpower. But I gotta tell you, the courage, guts, willpower, and determination it took to do that were no more or less difficult to find and manage than the fear and pain I sat in every day of my life.

You have what you need within you. The determination is there. The willpower is there. The courage is there. You just have to decide to dig it up from underneath all that pain you’re sitting in right now. You just have to decide that you’re done with pain and that it’s time to change.

No, it’s not going to be in your comfort zone. No, it might not feel good all the time. But it will feel better than what you’re in right now. It will be better than being in pain every day. It will move. It will keep moving. It won’t stay stuck. It’s a pass-through. It’s not where you hang out permanently. It’s how you get to where you want to go.

Your goals and your dreams are on the other side of the choice to heal. They are on the other side of all of that fear that’s keeping you stuck right now. When you finally decide that it’s time to stop and do something different, the only thing you have to do is acknowledge it. Stay in it and be conscious of it. Become aware of yourself and how you feel. Allow yourself to just be present in all the chaos and don’t do anything.

Just listen. Listen to your heart. What does it want? Where does it want to go? What does it want to do? Follow it. Follow your guidance, no matter how scary it is. No matter how crazy it might seem, do the thing. Do whatever it is it wants you to do.

The excuses come next, all the reasons why you can’t. Those things are lies. They aren’t true. They are the things that have been keeping you stuck for years. Ignore them and do it anyway. Don’t listen to the mind. It doesn’t know what happens next because it can’t. It’s only aware of the past and the present. It has no understanding of the future or the possibility of change. You have to keep going anyway, even when the mind tells you not to. That’s how you do it. That’s how you move. That’s how it changes because you decide and you do the work and you move forward and you don’t stop when the mind tells you to.

The choice to heal is one of the more difficult choices you’ll make in your life, but here’s what I know for sure. You can do this. You can heal and you can change your life. It starts with you. It starts inside of you, with your choice to do nothing more than feel better.

Are you ready to stop being in pain?

I’ll be here when you are.

Love to all.

Laura

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