The Part I Haven’t Shared Yet
I’ve told and re-told my lack story over time and it’s always the same general perspective as I feel very much like the story is still in progress. But the thing is that I’ve learned a lot along the way. Maybe what’s more important is what I haven’t shared yet.
The journey for me has not been a practical one, not even a little bit. The impracticality of the way that I’ve had to navigate this journey for myself can make it seem like I’m implying that all of you should just allow yourselves to be homeless because I tell you not to do anything about it. Immediately the mind wants to go into the fear of what if. Doing without is really not the intent of what I share. It’s not about getting okay with worst-case scenarios. So what I want to do with this blog is try to explain a little better what I’ve learned.
I’ve shared some of the “fun” I’ve had in breaking this cycle of lack. I’ve gotten to experience some of those worst-case scenarios that all of you would undoubtedly, rather avoid. You can avoid them if you’re willing to do the internal work to get there. I’m going to try to explain to you how to do that.
The first thing I had to do was let go of it all. I had to stop fixing it, I had to stop paying attention to it, and I had to stop worrying about it. This is some of the hardest stuff to do because this is the place where those worst-case scenarios show up about what happens when we don’t pay the water bill, the light bill, or the rent. This is the mind telling you stories about all the possibilities. The more you worry about it, the more you attach to it, the more likely you are to experience those possibilities. Why? Because the Universe is trying to break you of the habit of worrying about things outside of yourself.
You know, because I’ve told this story, that I allowed the worst-case scenario. I didn’t pay the rent. I allowed eviction. Why? To teach myself how to be okay regardless of what was going on around me. I learned a second lesson in that process, which was that I was supported in what I was doing. We ended up upgrading our living conditions. We didn’t end up in a box. We didn’t end up homeless. It worked out well. By allowing that to happen, by not engaging, by not fixing, the cycle stopped. The rent hasn’t been late since.
The habit was still there though. So, I had learned not to fix the outside world. I got much better at sitting on my hands while the world spun around me. But, my energy was still wonky. I still worried about things, I just didn’t respond to the feelings anymore. I didn’t respond to the thoughts. It actually helped with my self-awareness because it kind of forced me into paying attention to myself so that I didn’t fall back into old patterns.
What I had to learn next was about the energy I put behind my work. If I’m not responding to the outside world, then what am I doing? I was still pushing trying to create money through my work. The problem with that was the energy was still one of lack. Because I was putting pressure on my work to be successful or to support me, my work didn’t go anywhere. Nothing happened. Extra money didn’t come in. I wasn’t suddenly financially okay. My financial house was still a disaster, I just wasn’t paying attention to it, I didn’t care.
I couldn’t make things happen through my work. I started to get frustrated with my surroundings because I couldn’t put the focused time into my work that I thought I needed to so that I could make enough money to support myself. Here we go again, I’m still arguing with my outside world. I can’t fix that. Now I have to get okay with the limited amount of focus that I was going to get. I had to get okay with constant interruptions. I had to get okay with where I was. I couldn’t change it.
That meant, I had to understand this concept of creative flow. I couldn’t allow my outside world to upset my flow. Flow means that even if I get distracted, I don’t lose my connection to my work. There is an energetic tether there that means that I can come back to my work without feeling like I’ve been disconnected. I can pick up where I left off without needing an hour to sort myself back out. The flow enables me to manage distractions without becoming bothered within myself. I had to stop being arguing with my surroundings, so I did. I just accepted that things were as they were going to be. That’s it. I just accepted reality as it was.
So, I no longer worry about the outside world and I found creative flow by not arguing with my reality. Now what? I only do work that I enjoy. I don’t sacrifice myself to make money. I began to allow my vision to take shape. It was never my intent to do a ton of one-to-one work. I never wanted 8-hours a day, 5 days a week, taking appointments. I don’t want that life. But I was still offering a whole lot of one-to-one because I was attached to needing to make money.
I wanted to write more and take fewer appointments. I’ve gone back and forth with this in my business a number of times but I’d always gone back to taking appointments because of fear of money. I had to stop that. I had to allow myself the freedom to do what I wanted, which was to write, without worrying about how I was earning an income while I was writing. What does that look like?
I offer one session-type only right now. I limit that to only a few per week. My calendar is blocked off on Mondays and Fridays so that I can write on those days and focus on other things. I dropped all the things that I was doing because of fear of money. I started my own community away from Facebook. That was something that I had wanted for a while, but I maintained my Facebook group because of fear of money. That was where my audience was. I dropped that too.
I reconfigured my business to match what I wanted to create without worrying about what would happen to my income if I did. Do you know what happened to my income? It went up. The simple fact is, that when you drop the fear and you just act on your inspiration, you get there faster and you are supported in that journey.
What if it doesn’t happen like that? It’s because your energy is wonky. It’s because you’re still attached to it. It’s because you’re still worried about it. You have to get out of your head. You have to get out of worst-case scenarios. You have to find the balance within yourself first and then everything else balances after that.
I wish I could say this was easy. It was hard as hell and also the best thing I’ve ever done for myself. Now I have this life where I don’t have pressure. I’m not trying to get anywhere or accomplish anything. I get to take it easy and enjoy my work. Do you know what most of my work is now? Writing and working on myself. Everything that I do helps me. Everything. There is nothing in my business right now that is not a reflection of me, of my journey, of what I’ve learned along the way, of who I am, where I’m going, and what I’m becoming in the process. Every single thing that I write, create or offer to help you also helps me. Everything that I teach and share I’ve learned by doing it the hard way myself. I wouldn’t trade any of it.
What’s the moral of the story? Ignore what the outside world is trying to tell you. Get okay within yourself regardless of how crazy life appears. Do only that which you enjoy in your work and nothing else. Create that vision for yourself, regardless of how scary it might seem. By showing up for yourself you get the ability to help others as well. There are a lot of options out there to solve problems and find ways to do things. You can see them when you stop worrying and being afraid.
You have amazing power and beautiful gifts to share with the world. When you stop worrying long enough to share them, that’s when the magic happens.
Love to all.