There is Value in the Present Moment
Once we’ve decided we don’t like where we are, we can get to a place of villainizing, getting mad at, or getting frustrated with where we are. While that might be a good catalyst for propelling ourselves forward, we can’t stay in that pain and anger too long. It becomes unhealthy after a while.
It goes without saying that if you’re in a violent or dangerous situation, getting out is the priority. Outside of those extremes though, we need to find better ways to deal with the frustration or anger around our existing circumstances.
I started my journey from pain, but I didn’t stay there. Pain and anger are great catalysts. They provide a much needed momentum boost to get us working towards change. The problem with them is that when we create things solely from a place of pain and anger, they usually don’t result in any lasting happiness. They are temporary fixes and sometimes we find ourselves doing nothing more than jumping from the frying pan to the fire.
It’s worth it to slow down, as frustrating as the situation may be. It’s worth it to consider all the options, not just the quickest, not just the simplest, but every option, even the ones that might take longer. Slowing down allows more time to think. It allows some of the pain and anger to release and heal, which gives us a clearer perspective. It’s less distracting. It’s not as all-consuming as hanging onto massive amounts of pain and anger can be.
The push to change might be strong, but the first step needs to be healing. We have to acknowledge the pain, the sadness, and the frustration. We have to allow those things to work themselves out a bit before we make decisions. There is no requirement to be fully healed. We only need to get far enough that we’re responding instead of reacting, thinking clearly instead of making abrupt decisions.
The first part of my journey was healing and forgiveness. I had to let myself and others off the hook. I had to allow the pain to move through. It took time to gain clarity. There wasn’t going to be a quick fix. There were things that needed to be worked out that I couldn’t do overnight. I had to find my role in what had happened and take responsibility for it. I had to get okay with what I wanted because I had spent many years denying my own dreams and goals. I had to give myself permission to move through this process and do so more slowly than I may have liked. I had to recognize the benefit of time in the healing and sorting process. Being pissed off with where I was or what was happening would have distracted me from all of that. I had to let that part go and realize that, while it wasn’t perfect by any stretch, it was manageable and tolerable. Eventually, I would get to where I wanted to go. That had to be okay.
We all know that healing is not a fast process, that it takes time to do. There are two things that will make healing easier. First is the ability to be okay where we are. Second, is the ability to not beat ourselves up. Don’t get me wrong, it’s still messy. It’s still hard. It still hurts. It’s still trudging through quicksand every day and being exhausted from having to work so hard just to not sink below the surface. We learn from that. We learn about our own power. We learn about ourselves and who we are. We learn what we want. We learn what we don’t want. At the end of it, we learn to be really okay with ourselves and the lives we’ve created, the experiences we’ve had, and the journey we’re on.
That present moment, those current circumstances are teaching us so much about ourselves. They teach us about our own power. We learn how to manage ourselves better. We get good at controlling the internal climate without needing the external to change first. We learn patience, we learn resilience, and we learn strength. We learn power, we learn passion, we learn control.
Your power is where you are. Don’t let frustrating circumstances, pain, and anger disempower you by distracting you from your healing journey and your path to change. The circumstances will shift but first, allow yourself to shift. The rest will follow.
Love to all.
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