What If You Honored Who You Are?

This is why I write books because otherwise I would have 10 blogs a day and you’d hate me, probably. I may have to put together something that talks about all of this, but for the moment, I’m just going to blog and all you poor people are just going to have to deal with it.

Thank you to everybody that’s commenting and messaging me today. You know I do this publicly on purpose. The goal is that if I help me I help you at the same time. Maybe it works and maybe it doesn’t, but whatever happens, it’s all going to work out anyway!

Okay, there’s this idea that showed up for me just now. It was to question why I’m doing this. What the heck is the point anyway? My ultimate goal is freedom, both financially and personally. So, if I’m going for freedom, then fitting in is something that needs to disappear too. I can’t be free and dependent on what other people think at the same time. I can’t be free and be worried about trying to fit in.

The thing with fitting in is it creates co-dependency. It’s the need for approval from other people. We try to make ourselves fit into their definitions of what or who people should be. When we do that, we disempower ourselves. We become something we’re not and we do things that go against who we are.

Personally, I hid who I was. I needed that approval to validate myself. I wasn’t good enough on my own so I had to make sure I had a life that would validate me. It meant having the right career, having a house, being married, having kids, dogs, vacations, and so on. It meant living this really traditional, rather boring if I’m honest, life.

I tried it for 13-years and I argued with it the whole way. I’ve done the whole thing kicking and screaming because it wasn’t what I wanted but I was still dependent on validation from others, so I did it anyway. That’s the fastest way to misery I can think of. When we don’t honor ourselves we can’t be happy. We can’t be free. We can’t be okay within ourselves. You probably think you have all this healing to do. But the truth is you don’t because you’ve already done it all. You’re just not honoring what it changed within you yet and that’s why you’re still feeling the pain of it.

I’m still figuring out who I am at 46-years old. I was having this conversation with my 18-year old daughter. The system makes us decide who we are at a really young age. In some ways maybe it was easier for me because I knew I was a teacher of sorts, even at 5 years old. I followed the traditional path of that and I don’t regret my teaching degree at all. It gave me some fundamentals and some skills that I use to this day. I’m not using it in the traditional sense, but I still use it. But my daughter doesn’t have a hot clue what she wants to do and that makes her life really complicated because she’s supposed to have it figured out already. Well if I don’t have it figured out at 46, how’s she going to figure it out at 18?

I’m encouraging her to just pick a path and go down it. She can’t mess it up so it really doesn’t matter what she takes. She either likes it or she doesn’t. It’ll all work out in the end anyway. I’m definitely encouraging her to get out of the mainstream ideas and think outside the box, but right now she doesn’t have a box to think outside of. Whether she goes to school in the fall or waits another year or 2 or 3, she’ll go in some direction eventually and that’s good enough.

All of that to say that fitting in is overrated. We don’t need validation from the outside world. When we go looking for it we get confused because the validation won’t match who we are. The world still spits back a reflection that’s something out of the 1950s. it’s not accurate so stop looking at it or looking for it. It’s not 1950 anymore and we can go in any direction we choose. It doesn’t need to look like whatever the people around you think it should look like.

One of my friends commented on my last blog asking when I was going to stop holding myself back because of all this. I told her I probably wouldn’t get through today. It’s true, I probably won’t. I’ve written 3 blogs and it’s not even lunchtime yet. That’s the power of opening up, honoring who you are, freeing yourself from trying to fit in. Sure, the tension will still be there. It’ll still show up but that’s okay. It can be dealt with as and when it happens.

Just like everything else lately, there is no deep healing to do. If there is pain, it’s just because we’re not fully acknowledging it yet, we’re stuck in old ways of being. Showing up fully frees you from that. You don’t have to fit in. You don’t have to do it my way or anybody else’s way. You’re free to go on your own. There are a few of you that might read this that are coming to mind. You know who you are!

It’s okay to be you. You know how I know? Because of the validation that I got for doing it a bit today. Will that always be the case? No. There are always whiners in the crowd. But I’ll take what I can get and I’ll keep showing up because that’s how this works.

If I can help you free yourself from this need to fit in, let me know.

Love to all.


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