When I Don’t Trust My Intuition…

I’ve talked before about my intuition and how I use it. I’m clairvoyant which means I see future outcomes but what it also means is that I don’t see the path along the way. I’m subject to detours which when I become aware of them after the fact make me want to think I’ve been lied to. That’s not the case.

I’ve been led to believe, clairvoyantly, that something would turn out one way and then have it turn out completely different because they wanted me to understand something else. So it’s only human to decide not to trust the guidance anymore. I don’t want to be told lies. My search is for the truth, not more crap. I want to be able to make decisions based on the clairvoyant guidance that I get, but when I’m subject to the possibility of blind detours, it makes it hard to trust and simply go along. Am I unknowingly going somewhere I’m not planning on or will this turn out the way I’ve been told it will? What kind of trouble am I getting myself into this time?

Humans base their trust on getting the truth from others. When it doesn’t happen that way, we tend to pull our trust back. When it comes to my intuitive gifts, that actually keeps me stuck. I have to trust my guidance and honor the potential for detours knowing that regardless of what happens I’m going to get what I need along the way and will eventually get the outcome I have been shown.

Pulling my trust back to protect myself causes me to struggle with my work and my journey as a whole. If I stop believing the outcomes I’ve been shown, it causes me to question why I would continue along this path when it’s just been an endless struggle for me for years. Sure, I love helping people, I love writing, and I no longer dread Monday. Life isn’t all bad. But to continue to struggle financially “for no reason” seems pointless.

Wow. I didn’t plan that paragraph. Okay, so what’s that about? It comes back to why I do it. Am I doing it just to solve problems? Am I still kind of one foot in and one foot out because well, money? So if the money isn’t going to show up then I’m just going to walk away. Really? The logical mind chirps in and reminds me that one must have money to live. If I’m not making money then I have a really cool hobby, but I will need to get a job to pay the bills. Logic is awesome, isn’t it?

What’s the truth in that story? First, we need to recognize it as a story from a wounded ego and a mind that only knows what has already happened and cannot see the future. Second, I have to consciously dig into the why behind what I do because apparently there is still some stuff there to work out. The goal is to do it anyway, money or no money. The goal is to love what you do so much that it doesn’t matter whether you get paid or not. Would I do this as a hobby, even if I never made another penny?

The world of business says that if I’m not making money I’m a failure and I need to quit. The law of the Universe says I must trust blindly, ignore what the outside world is showing me, and move forward anyway knowing fully that my intuition is showing me the truth. Just trust and keep going. Don’t worry about the path. It’s going in the right direction, even if it doesn’t always seem like it.

The choice is either to hang on to the pain of the financial struggle and continue on that path or to jump to a different timeline where I let go of that pain and trust that I will be supported in doing so. It’s a leap. What the blog is doing for me, and what my writing always does for me, is showing me exactly where I’m caught. It’s showing me the struggle with my commitment to my work. It’s coming back to the original goals that I set for myself when I started this process years ago.

I’ve talked about those goals before. When I first started this I had monetary goals. I was offering tarot readings to make money. I really wasn’t in it for anything else. It was just a way to do something I enjoyed and hopefully still pay the bills. To say it’s evolved over the years is an understatement. Now I share my life rather publicly with you, something I never would have dreamed of doing when I was offering tarot readings. I am my work in a very real way. I go between teaching the concepts that I’ve come to understand and integrating and learning lessons as a student of my own life. I get given outcomes clairvoyantly. I get shown detours intuitively after the fact. My life happens in such a way that I gain a full understanding of what goes on. I search for truth in everything that happens voluntarily and intentionally. My ability to understand my own life is how I’ve gained the awareness and understanding to give you the tools to navigate your own lives more easily. It all fits together in a really beautiful way that’s been fascinating to watch unfold.

Awareness has been my key to the whole thing. When I stop trusting that because my ego gets offended, it causes me to lose my way pretty quickly. I ended up back at the original pain, the original problem that I set out to solve. I think I said in my last Facebook post that I didn’t get this far to quit. It’s not really a question of whether I’m going or not, it’s just how long it takes me to work out the quirky energy so that I can move forward freely. Now that I see it, it’s actually an easy leap.

The truth behind the wounded ego that wants to get a job (Haha, I’d last 5 minutes now!) is that I really couldn’t do anything else anymore. Even without money, I get far too much from this to walk away, to abandon the ship. As they keep telling me, I know too much to go back. I’m at a place where the only way out is through. I can’t unlearn what I know. I can’t abandon the people I’ve made the choice to work with. I can’t walk away from what has now been created. It means too much to me. It’s too much a part of me to simply walk away.

The money wound is old. It’s been there for a long time. As you can see, it winds its way into everything and colors how I see the world and my life. There’s a reason we talk about perception so much. It’s things like this that remind me why finding that truth is so important. The wounded ego wants to keep me in the pain because that’s what it knows. But we can’t go back and we can’t stay here, forward is the only option we have, so forward we will go.

To answer my own question, yes I would do this even if I never made another penny. It’s showing me who I am and who I am not. It’s showing me my power in ways I didn’t know existed. It’s given me a freedom I didn’t know was possible.

I’m going to finish ejecting the gunky energy and get on with it. There’s a path in front of me and it’s time to take it. Are you coming?

Love to all.


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