Why Are We So Attached to What Other People Do?
As I watch the world around me try to sort itself out, something has been standing out to me recently. There is this overwhelming need to get others to do certain things so that we can feel safe and okay in our own skin.
There are so many memes on social media about how when people stop responding to us we should give up on them and walk away. There is this attachment to needing other people to respond instantly so we can feel worthy. We are forever in the vaccination debate which is also at it’s core about getting other people to do things so that we can feel safe. Sayings like, “actions speak louder than words” also focus on this idea of needing other people to do things so we can be okay. If they don’t do what we perceive the right thing to be, we should abandon them.
At what point do we learn to leave each other alone? When can we stop being so worried about what other people are doing and start just taking care of ourselves? Why do we all need to be so triggered by everyone all the time?
What if we just left each other alone? What if instead of worrying about whether or not they respond, you just went about your day and trusted that when they had the time, the energy, and the bandwidth they would respond? It doesn’t matter whether that’s next week, next month, or next year. What if you just recognized it wasn’t about you? This other person has their life, let them live it.
Why do we need to make ourselves other people’s priority? What if you just put yourself on your own priority list and stopped needing other people to do it for you?
These projections onto other people come from a sense of lack within ourselves. It isn’t about other people. The outside world is simply showing you how you feel about yourself. If you want to fix the outside world, you have to fix yourself first. Once you feel whole, once you feel okay, whether or not that other person responds, doesn’t matter. Will they respond quicker if you heal yourself? Maybe not but if you do the work it won’t matter anyway.
Most of the arguments we have in society are at their core, about getting people to be and do certain things so that we can feel okay. It’s about trying to control the outside world because they don’t understand yet that they are trying to control things that aren’t theirs. They don’t understand yet, that the way to get some sense of control over the outside world is to get some sense of control over the inside world. The reality is, we don’t have control over what happens “out there”. We can only control what happens inside of ourselves. We can only control our own responses, our own thoughts, and our own feelings. That’s it. Until we realize that boundary and start doing the internal work, we’re going to continue to have this tug of war play out.
Make yourself your own priority.
Take care of yourself.
Do your own thing.
Stay in your own lane.
Recognize your own worthiness.
Everything comes from inside yourself, not from the outside world.
You are enough all on your own. Stop making the world prove it to you.
Love to all.
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